Stephen Colbert Chugs Booze, Freaks Out Night Before Midterm Elections: ‘I Need to Know!’
The superstitious ‘Late Show’ host pulled out all the stops ahead of the midterm elections—including some bourbon.
Stephen Colbert is warning Democrats to not be overconfident on Election Day.
On Monday night, the eve of the midterm elections, the Late Show host seemed a bit nervous about the Dems’ chances to retake the House.
“Democrats need to flip 23 seats to gain control, and they’re feeling alarmingly confident,” said Colbert, before joking about last week’s guest, “Nancy Pelosi said out loud that they will win… then she announced that they were changing their logo from the donkey to the cursed monkey’s paw.”
“Meanwhile, Nate Silver’s website 538 gives the Democrats a ‘7 in 8’ chance of winning control of the House,” he continued. “OK yes, sure, that sounds good, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Knock on wood. Give me a piece of wood,”—the comedian was then handed a glass of bourbon, announcing, “Yes, this is bourbon—but it’s barrel-aged!”
Colbert then pointed to a CNN poll today alleging that, “Democrats continue to hold a double-digit lead over Republicans in a generic congressional ballot among likely voters” with a 55 percent to 42 percent advantage overall, and a 65 percent to 35 percent advantage among women.
“But Republicans aren’t worried—because they have a history of not believing women,” he cracked.
Meanwhile, he complained about how “the folks on cable news are playing it safe” with their midterm predictions—presumably owing to the way they all royally screwed up the 2016 presidential election. This did not assuage his burning desire for any and all election info.
“I need to know! We can figure this out!” exclaimed Colbert, adding, “Modern statistical analysis can tell me who’s going to win tomorrow so I can sleep tonight,” before launching into an epic conspiratorial rant about the hottest contests, from Beto/Cruz to Gillum/DeSantis.
Don’t worry, Stephen—it’ll all be over soon.