Stephen Colbert taped his show Thursday night before Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN) dashed any possibility of witnesses in Trump’s impeachment trial. But the Late Show host wasn’t feeling optimistic.
“As I speak, the Senate impeachment trial is racing democracy to see which one can end faster,” Colbert began his monologue. “Today, senators wrapped the Q&A. Tomorrow, they move on to the ‘F’ and ‘U.’”
Echoing the frustrations of House manager Adam Schiff, the host added, “‘You can’t make this up!’ Because George Orwell already did. Anyway, that’s my time, two plus two equals five, I love Big Brother, do it to Julia!”
“Of course, the big question is whether there will be any witnesses,” Colbert said later. “The man trying to block that from happening is Senate Majority Leader—and it says here ‘hold for booing’—Mitch McConnell.” His audience was happy to oblige.
But while McConnell was right to believe he had the votes to block witnesses, Colbert highlighted a poll that found 75 percent of Americans want to hear testimony from key figures. “That is amazing! That’s crazy!” he said. “75 percent of Americans don’t agree on anything, except maybe ‘puppies good, Cats movie bad.’”
The Senate may not be hearing from former National Security Adviser John Bolton but Colbert did the next best thing by delivering a “Late Show subpoena” to Dana Carvey.