Stephen Colbert loves going after Donald Trump Jr.
Though the late-night comedian hasn’t gone as far as Bill Maher in mocking the Trump heir over his messy divorce, Colbert has taken shots at the hair gel aficionado for defending his father’s racism, his own boneheaded sexual-harassment tweets, and his strange congressional testimony.
On Thursday night, the Late Show host rang in the one-year anniversary of Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation by addressing the Senate Judiciary Committee’s release of 2,500 pages of documents related to the infamous Trump Tower meeting on June 9, 2016, between Kremlin lawyer/spy Natalia Veselnitskaya and Trump campaign officials Jared Kushner, Paul Manafort, and Donald Trump Jr.—or as Colbert calls them, “The Three Collooges.”
“The documented purpose of this meeting was to get dirt on Hillary Clinton from the Russian government, but both Don Jr. and the president have insisted that Trump Sr. knew nothing about it. In fact, Don Jr. told senators ‘I wouldn’t have wasted his time with it’ ’cause Dad gets angry when you interrupt his toilet burger,” cracked Colbert during his monologue.
He continued: “But the transcript of his testimony shows that, after Don Jr. set up this meeting—with help from a Russian oligarch’s son, as you do when you’re not colluding—he immediately made a four-minute mystery call to a blocked number, and earlier testimony revealed that candidate Trump’s primary residence has a blocked number,” said Colbert. “Then, right after the call to the blocked number, Don Jr. called the oligarch’s son back.”
Colbert didn’t exactly buy Don Jr.’s explanation that he can’t remember who the blocked-number call went to. “Now, I don’t know if that’s the smoking gun, but if you still believe Don Jr., I want five dollars of whatever you’re smoking. Because Don Jr. claims he doesn’t remember who he spoke with in that call,” said Colbert. “Sure. He could have been speaking to anybody between two calls to a Russian oligarch’s son planning to collude with the Russian government. Hello, Domino’s? You’ll never guess who has dirt on Hillary Clinton. OK, gotta go, need to call the Kremlin back. Dammit! I forgot the garlic knots.”
The comedian said that his late-night staff went through the 2,500 pages of documents and found that Don Jr. told the Senate Judiciary Committee he couldn’t recall something “186 times.” This revelation prompted Colbert to dig up an old tweet by Don Jr. that read, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything—Mark Twain.”
“To which Mark Twain responded, ‘You’re going to jail—Mark Twain,’” offered Colbert via fake tweet.
In the documents, Don Jr. also ’fessed up to communicating with WikiLeaks during the campaign, claiming, “I think the only time I responded to them was, ‘Hey, when am I going to receive the next leak?’ And they would reach out on a few occasions, sort of passing along news, ‘Hey, you may want to tweet this, this would be of interest probably with some sort of admin there.’”
“So he met with members of the Russian government to get dirt on Hillary, he knew when the hacked emails were coming out, and he was coordinating the timing of their release with WikiLeaks,” said Colbert. “Is that the smoking gun? Is the gun smoking? Can we check on the gun?”
Colbert then threw to an image of a gun on fire yelling, “He’s so guilty! He’s so guilty!”