The “Stephen Colbert” of The Colbert Report liked nothing more than when he could make himself the center of any given news story. But he was rarely handed a gift as juicy as the one with which the “real” Stephen Colbert got to open his first Late Show monologue after a two-week break.
“There’s a fourth wave of coronavirus, we just got a global warming red alert for humanity, there are wildfires consuming Northern California and Greece,” Colbert told his live audience on Monday night before turning to the camera and adding, coyly, “So naturally, there’s one question on everyone’s mind: Did I go to Barack Obama’s birthday party?”
The host was referring to a New York Times article from last Friday that garnered a ton of attention by reporting who was and wasn’t cut from the guest list for the former president’s 60th birthday bash on Martha’s Vineyard after the event was “scaled back” due to concerns over the spike in COVID cases, including among the vaccinated.
“Given the whole pandemic thing and the Delta variant, a celebrity mosh pit was maybe not the wisest choice,” Colbert said. “So Obama scaled back the guest list for his party. He was forced to limit the invites to only his closest Beyoncés.”
The Times reported that David Letterman and Conan O’Brien were among those cut from the guest list, but listed Colbert among those who still attended. “I mean, it makes sense, I am known to fill in when Letterman drops out of something,” Colbert said, before admitting that he “didn’t fucking go” because “in the massive scaling back, I got massively scaled.”
He went on to explain that the multiple news outlets that placed him at the party may have been confused because he did end traveling there last weekend anyway. “We had the flight, we had the hotel, so Evie wondered if we could still go to Martha’s Vineyard, and since it was all nonrefundable, I said, ‘Yes we can.’”
The Boston Herald even reported that the couple “owns property” on the island. “Could you please send the address and the keys and maybe the alarm code?” Because I’d love to stay there someday. I don’t own a house on Martha’s Vineyard.”
“It just goes to show, kids, that if you work hard, put in your time, and get to be the number one show in late-night television, you too can get disinvited from the cool kids party,” Colbert concluded before sending a message to the former president. “My own 60th birthday is coming up in three years,” he said. “And you, sir... are not going to want to miss it. Please come! I’d be so honored if you can. I’ll scale me back to make room for you and Michelle.”
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