SPOILER ALERT

Colbert Ruins Stephanie Grisham’s Trump Book So No One Will Buy It

“The Late Show” host spoiled all the best parts so he wouldn’t help Stephanie Grisham “sell a single copy of her tell-all about the time she told us nothing.”

In the nine months since Jan. 6, Stephen Colbert has done everything he can to stop talking about Donald Trump in his Late Show monologue, refusing to even say the former president’s name or show it on screen. But as he put it Tuesday night, sometimes the news “forces” him to give in.

“There’s a new tell-all from former White House press secretary and Morticia Addams’ divorced sister, Stephanie Grisham,” the host explained. “Stephanie Grisham worked in the White House for four years, and as press secretary she famously never gave a single press conference. But now she’s spilling all the tea in her new book, ‘I Just Recently Gained a Spine.’”

The actual book is cynically titled I’ll Take Your Questions Now: What I Saw at the Trump White House, but as Colbert told viewers, he doesn’t want to help the author “sell a single copy of her tell-all about the time she told us nothing.” So, he added, “That’s why I’m going to spoil all the juicy details of ‘I’ll Take Your Money Now.’”

In response to Grisham using “colorful language” to describe the Trump White House as a “clown car on fire running at full speed into a warehouse full of fireworks,” the host pointed out that “she knew all about the clown car and she still called ‘shotgun’ for four years.”

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From there, Colbert did as promised and ruined as many of the stories from Grisham’s new book as he could, from the time he wore some of her makeup during a speech in Saudi Arabia to the time Donald Trump Jr. tried to get his girlfriend, former Fox News host Kimberly Guilfoyle, into a state dinner with Queen Elizabeth.

“Just who you want interacting with the queen,” Colbert said, before imagining what would happen: “‘Oh dear, Don Jr., you seem to have dropped your tiny baggie of sugar. Hmmm, let’s put a little bit of it in my tea…’” Then, in case anyone was confused, he added, “It’s cocaine.”

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Matt WilsteinSenior Editor

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