On Election Eve, The Late Show host Stephen Colbert followed his fellow ex-Daily Show co-conspirator John Oliver in delivering one final plea to his audience to vote Trump out on Nov. 3. And Colbert seemed much calmer than his British-born counterpart.
“I’m the most relaxed I’ve been for months because, at 11:38 the night before the election, what ya gonna do?” said Colbert. “I think we can officially say we’ve given Donald Trump a chance. Jared, you have 22 minutes to achieve Middle East peace.”
Then the comedian launched into a rather strange interstellar analogy.
“You see, I think everyone has made up their mind—back in 2017, in fact. Have you seen Trump’s approval numbers? That’s flatter than the Black Rock Desert. You could set a land-speed record on 44 percent,” he said. “So, to quote Jim Lovell from Apollo 13, ‘Isaac Newton is in the driver’s seat now.’ We are in the grip of the gravitational forces of democracy, which are pulling us toward the results. It’s like our country is a deep-space object falling toward a black hole—either we’re going to get sucked over the event horizon into a well of corruption that not even moats can escape from, or we’ll use this gravity well to slingshot and pick up speed and go off in an entirely new direction. Maybe that planet where Baby Yoda lives, he’s cute.”
According to Colbert, the very fabric of the American project is on the line in this election given the degree to which President Trump has eroded faith in our various institutions.
“This is a test of the strength of American voters—but also the institutions we have built. This president has exposed a lot of weaknesses in our government, but it just has to hold together for one last run,” offered Colbert.
He also cited a recent report by Axios alleging that “Trump plans to declare premature victory” on Election Night “if it looks like he’s ahead,” prompting Colbert to crack, “‘Premature’ is no surprise. Like he always says to his ladies, ‘I was first. I win sex.’”
Later on, Colbert was more blunt: “We gotta dump this loser.”
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