Take Your Super Bowl Merch Game to the Next Level

For the average fan who wants to root on their team, a jersey, hat, or jacket may suffice. Then again, fans of the New England Patriots and Philadelphia Eagles are hardly known for their mild manner. New England’s become the league’s version of Darth Vader, winning a staggering five Super Bowls since 2002. Philadelphia, on the other hand, has never won the big game and will be hungry for their first title.

So if you really want to assert alpha fan dominance at your Super Bowl party this Sunday, you’ll have to take it up a notch. Whether cheering for the Pats or Birds, these, uh, interesting pieces of paraphernalia will leave opponents awestruck, envious...and even a little concerned for your sanity.

Eagles Garden Gnomes, or the Pats’ equivalent, the Rob Gronkowski Garden Gnome, $21: These will protect your rhododendrons and haunt your opponents’ dreams.

Garden Stepping Stump, $30: Yep, more gardening merch. Who knew NFL fans had such green thumbs?

Patriots Remote Control Quadcopter Drone ($57): Control the skies! Or for the lazy fan,  fetch snacks and beverages.

Glitter Shoe Bottle Holder, $35: Oh, and I suppose you store your bottles on a boring old wine rack, like a fake fan?

2018 “Be More Like Tom Brady” Resolution Pillowcase, $20: Unless you have a cannon for an arm, this is not exactly the easiest new year resolution, but props for trying.

Adult Onesie, $69: Nothing wrong with watching the game in comfort.

Scouted is here to share practical, entertaining, and sometimes unexpected ideas for products that you might like. Please note that if you buy something featured in one of our posts, The Daily Beast may collect a share of sales.