“Ever since Vladimir Putin annexed Trump’s balls in Helsinki, President Trump has been having a rough time back home,” Trevor Noah told viewers Monday night.
Citing a recent Daily Beast/Ipsos poll, The Daily Show host noted that nearly half of respondents agreed that Trump’s performance at the summit could be considered “treasonous.” And on top of that, news broke that the president’s former fixer Michael Cohen had been secretly taping their conversations.
“You know what’s funny about this story is that all of last week, Trump was like, ‘Russia never could have taped me without me knowing, I’m too smart,’” Noah said. “And now he’s like, ‘Whoops, my own lawyer taped me without me knowing!’”
“Honestly, at this point it would be weird if Russia didn’t have blackmail material on Trump,” he continued. “Because everyone seems to have blackmail material on President Trump. Michael Cohen has tapes, Access Hollywood has tapes, Howard Stern has tapes.” Noah joked that even Eric Trump has tapes, explaining, “His most prized possession is a voicemail his dad left him on a butt-dial.”
So how did Trump deal with this “full-on barrage of problems?” Noah asked. He created a “problem for all of us” by tweeting an all-caps threat to destroy Iran. As Fox & Friends host Steve Doocy explained, the tweet was in all-caps “because he was yelling back at Iran.”
“Why is he explaining caps lock to Fox viewers?” the host wondered. “They’re old, they’re not Amish.”
Moving on, Noah remarked that Trump’s threat to Iran is reminiscent of his infamous “fire and fury” comments about North Korea. “And then six months later he totally caved to Kim Jong Un,” he said. “So there’s a good chance that in a few months, we’ll see Trump saluting Iran and America will be under Sharia Law.” Noah imagined a bearded Trump delivered his next State of the Union address: “I gave Iran everything they wanted, folks, and now there will be peace, inshallah.”
“It’s either that or America is headed for a war,” Noah concluded. “But the good news is, you stopped thinking about Michael Cohen and Russia. So mission accomplished.”