This Troll Thought Lemonade Was a CIA Plot

Alex Jones is handling Beyoncé’s Lemonade in precisely the manner you would expect Alex Jones to handle a Beyoncé album.

This week, America’s leading conspiracy theorist (and Donald Trump’s supporter and part-time unofficial adviser) took to the airwaves to warn the country that Beyoncé is in league with the CIA and wants to devour your children.

“Literally,” Jones says.

“I’m pro-human so I say, black people, especially, stop killing your kids and get them in church, whatever, take them away from Beyoncé, who wants to eat their brain with the CIA, literally,” Jones implored. Jones went on to claim that he has seen “literal, devil-worshiping communists” who support abortion rights turn into satanic “lizards or something”

But let’s get back to Beyoncé.

“We see Beyoncé get up there at the Super Bowl and do these anti-cop riot videos,” he said in a separate video. “And we see her out with a new video, with little girls following her and skipping as she beats up cars and blows things up. You know, and goes crazy with a baseball bat. And then you understand that the Super Bowl on Fox and Viacom MTV are the most establishment organs there are — and admittedly the most hooked up with the CIA … So then [Beyoncé] sits there wish this rage. You know, great actress, like, ‘Grrrr, Police. Grrr, you’re the enemy of my people.’ And baseball bats and everything. So young people go out and act like maniacs, it’s happening, and try to start a race war in this country.”

To recap: Beyoncé and Lemonade are part of a CIA operation that holds as its core mission the instigation of a full-blown race war on the streets of America — also, the singer, with the help of her CIA allies, wants to feast upon your kid’s brain.

Beyoncé’s publicist did not respond to a request for comment regarding her alleged CIA-hatched race-war plot. SO WHAT IS SHE HIDING??

When The Daily Beast asked a U.S. intelligence officer about the Beyoncé conspiracy theory, the officer simply replied, “we have no operatives with weaves that pricey.”

Nada Bakos, a former al Qaeda-hunting CIA analyst, tweeted that if Lemonade is an agency plot then it is “the BEST ONE YET!”

Right-wingers have a recent history of launching media crusades against Beyoncé, though typically in a less unhinged, conspiracy-minded manner than the one exhibited by Jones.

Former 2016 Republican presidential contender Mike Huckabee has repeatedly called out Beyoncé’s lyrics as “obnoxious and toxic mental poison.” Fox News host Bill O’Reilly blames her and husband Jay Z for promoting “gangsta culture.” Many conservative media personas and politicians, such as congressman Peter King and Rudy Giuliani, swiftly condemned her video and Super Bowl performance of "Formation" for being “anti-police.” And then there are Christian-right activists like radio host Sandy Rios who say that the singer is paving the way for the Antichrist with her “black hatred towards whites and towards policemen.”

If you feel like diving farther down this rabbit hole, here’s Alex Jones’s “over-the-top, important report” on Queen B’s “domestic propaganda”:

— Michael Weiss contributed reporting.