FLOOD WARNING

Trump Woke Up Feeling Blue. So Did America

It seems Lindsey Graham was right ten years ago: Trump has destroyed the GOP. Shame it was at his sister’s expense.

Opinion

I expected relief. I did not expect elation. The hoped-for blue wave turned into a blue tsunami (with Mississippi—Mississippi! —still too close to call), and it’s begun to feel as if a sea change is underway. A flood of the biblical kind.

Democrats, start getting out the woke pool floats!

Ten years of Trumpism now feels like it’s (maybe? hopefully?) beginning to come to an end. Ten years of bad people and bad policy. Ten years of lawlessness. Ten years of hating your neighbor. Ten years of phony outrage at diplomacy and science and grammar. I don’t think Trump will go quietly, but I am now convinced his moment—and his movement—has passed. However, drunken party guests often make a lot of noise on their way out the door.

Congratulations are, of course, due to Lindsey Graham. The South Carolinian prophesied this moment back in 2016 when he tweeted that not only would Republicans be destroyed if they nominated Trump, but that they would deserve it. How fitting that Trump destroyed Graham’s own seat last night, a seat bequeathed to Lindsey’s own sister.

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Yes, despite what some Republicans must have thought was a pivotal “gotcha” moment from Michigan’s Haley Stevens, a woman with absurd taste in hats who I imagine most of us hadn’t heard of before this week, the Senate has fallen from Republican control, an outcome all but unthinkable even a few months ago.

The House of Representatives is also now blue. Congratulations are owed to Mike Johnson. The Louisiana congressman can now go start that lawncare business he fantasized about in the closing days of the campaign. The least inspiring man in America will now hand over to Hakeem Jeffries… the second least inspiring man in America.

Jeffries will likely become the nation’s first African-American Speaker of the House, an accomplishment which is notable, yes, but feels a little ho-hum compared to some of the other Democratic ceilings shattered: A Muslim epidemiologist in Michigan, a Native female governor-elect in New Mexico, our first female Native senator in Minnesota, an openly gay male senator out of New Hampshire, and a senator-elect raising a family with his second cousin in Maine (hey, it’s a small state with a small dating pool!). There’s also a former mayor who just became the first Black woman to become governor in our nation’s history. In Georgia.

What can we expect from our new Democratic overlords? One clue came from California Democrat Robert Garcia, who will now head the House Oversight Committee. Last night, Garcia sent out a tweet addressed to the Trump administration with a two-word message: “Lawyer up.”

Pardons will almost certainly be forthcoming from the man in the long red tie, which may keep some out of federal prison but which may compel those same folks to testify before Congress rather than invoke the Fifth Amendment. We’re going to have hearings, folks. Lots of them. Perhaps Trump officials in Garcia’s crosshairs will do everybody a favor and flee to Moscow.

Elon Musk, too, ought to start packing for Mars after dumping half a billion dollars into this election cycle. In particular, he tried to buy a Texas Senate seat and, oddly enough, he succeeded. Just not in the way he intended.

James Talarico made Elon a primary target after it was revealed that Musk basically financed Ken Paxton’s entire campaign. Every one of those dollars, instead, contributed to Talarico’s victory. I know Texas doesn’t have a state income tax, but perhaps Texas’s new Democratic governor-elect, Gina Hinojosa, could consider one that only applies to residents of her state worth more than $100 billion.

The night’s only real disappointment came from the perpetually disappointing state of Florida, where the odious Byron Donalds defeated former Republican David Jolly for governor, and Angie Nixon fell just a little short of unseating Ashley Moody. On the other hand, a few vulnerable Democratic House members overcame an egregiously gerrymandered map to hold onto their seats. So, a mixed bag of oranges from the Sunshine State.

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The night’s biggest shocker remains Mississippi, where Scott Colom could become that state’s first Black senator since Reconstruction. The irony in that race is that Colom’s opponent, Sen. Cindy Hyde-Smith, blocked Colom’s appointment to the federal bench, an appointment which would have presumably prevented Colom from running. Whether he ultimately prevails or not, we don’t yet know, but wow.

Democrats and general fans of democracy are celebrating today. We should. At long last, Lady Liberty flipped fascism the bird. Of course, it should have never gotten this far. That man and his movement should have been relegated to the Mar-a-Lago classified document storage room/toilet after the 2020 election. He should have spent the last few years appealing the convictions his election forced prosecutors to set aside. Now, perhaps, he will find some overdue justice. Lawyer up, indeed.

But perhaps the best quote of the election comes from former Republican congressman Adam Kinzinger, who decided not to seek re-election in 2022 following his vote to impeach Trump after the Jan. 6 insurrection. Kinzinger has since become one of Trump’s most vocal critics, particularly on foreign policy and corruption—though is there a difference between the two in Trumpland? This morning, Kinzinger shared a brief message to Russia, which applies equally well to the Kremlin’s stooge in Washington: “Eat a bag of a--,” he wrote.

Eat a bag of a--, indeed. May I suggest we serve it with champagne?

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Michael Ian Black

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