10 Movies Too Awful for the Theater
Lindsay Lohan’s new movie, Labor Pains, will not be coming soon to a theater near you. Instead, it will premiere on ABC Family on July 19th before going straight to DVD. Here are nine other movies that failed to make the theatrical cut.
Labor Pains seems an innocuous enough chick flick, certainly no worse than Bride Wars, New in Town, My Life in Ruins, and some of the other paint-by-numbers romcoms released in 2009. So why is it getting the Hallmark Movie of the Week treatment? Maybe producers aren’t confident that Lohan’s acting abilities can outshine her off-screen antics enough to get viewers to a theater. Due to a DUI arrest, she was unable to fully promote her last theatrical release, I Know Who Killed Me, a film that went on to barely outgross its budget.
Major Movie Star / Private Valentine: Blonde and Dangerous
Why Lindsay Lohan should be worried: Jessica Simpson’s 2008 movie was dumped onto DVD in the US (although it apparently did boffo box office in Russia), and her career hasn’t exactly been blazing since then.
Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha’ Hood
Entertainment Weekly named this 2003 movie, the sixth in the Leprechaun series, one of the 25 Worst Sequels Ever Made. We say—was it really worse than the previous five?
Snakes on a Train
The Asylum production studio, best known for releasing direct-to-DVD films meant to capitalize off of current blockbusters (think AVH: Alien vs. Hunter), made this 2006 movie which is, if such a thing is possible, a lower-rent version of Snakes on a Plane.
We know, it’s hard to believe this 2007 Steven Seagal film failed to secure a theatrical release. The good news is, it will live on in the academy, at least until DVDs become obsolete.
Lost Boys: The Tribe
Good news for fans of the Coreys Feldman and Haim—they made a sequel to the 1987 movie The Lost Boys! The bad news? It went straight to DVD in 2008, despite heated protests by the nine remaining fans of the original.
Cruel Intentions 2
When the 2000 pilot of Manchester Prep, the television spinoff of Cruel Intentions, was not picked up by Fox, the producers repurposed the footage into a prequel to the original movie, which meant including additional footage that upped the sex factor and made fun of the TV show’s plight, as you’ll see in this clip.
Midnight Meat Train
Midnight Meat Train was supposed to be released in May 2008, but the movie was instead dumped into the secondary market on 100 screens in August with a quick release onto DVD and OnDemand. So what made Train, by master of horror Clive Barker ( Candyman), derail? Maybe it was the trippy ending and incomprehensible plot.
American Pie: Beta House
We could have compiled the funniest scenes from the sixth [!] entry into the American Pie franchise, Beta House. Instead, we bring you the trailer, which is pretty much the same thing. The series plodded along in straight-to-DVD form after the third theatrical release, pulling in fringe characters and Eugene Levy to keep the raunchy jokes flowing.
This 1990 cult classic is not, surprisingly, a sequel to the movie Troll. The film’s original title was Goblins, but producers changed it to Troll 2 to capitalize on the success of the 1986 film Troll. Watch this scene and you’ll understand why this is a camp classic.