We all know Santa’s Naughty List is packed with names every year—but this holiday season, some of the year’s naughtiest have hacked into Santa’s lists using backdoors in the North Pole Internet. That’s right: even after dropping the dreaded Bah Hum-Bug onto Santa’s servers, these hackers are trying to ensure they still get the tech toys they want under the tree.
Santa’s not only a jolly old guy, though; he’s also happy to admit his mistakes and learn from them. (What a holiday lesson!) That’s why this year, after the hacking scandal, Santa’s giving himself a few gifts to keep himself—and his data—secure from now on. Normally, Santa’s own wish list is top-secret, but our inside source, a pointy-eared fellow named Krankle, filled us in on a few key pieces of equipment—and we couldn’t resist sharing them with you.
1. Norton Security Premium, from $69.99
The problem with Santa keeping his list in digital format? Hackers. These cyber criminals regularly try to break through Santa’s defenses to move themselves to the Nice List—and beef up their own gift list come holiday time. But with Norton Security Premium, Santa can protect the whole elf crew: Norton Security Premium covers 10 PCs/Macs, as well as smartphones and tablets. And it also includes a family safety feature, an automatic backup for critical files on a Windows PC, and 25 GB of secure cloud storage.
2. Carhartt insulated leather gloves, $33
Between loading the sleigh, the risk of leather-burn from the reindeer’s harnesses, and the sub-freezing wind chill as he zips from place to place, Santa needs to protect his hands. These insulated leather gloves are stylish, warm, and most importantly, functional—and can handle the chilly conditions of Santa’s Christmas Eve rounds.
3. NestCam, $199
We’re not saying that Santa doesn’t trust his elves, but in this day and age, a little extra precaution never hurts. With the NestCam (formerly known as DropCam), he can monitor all workshop activity with a 130-degree field of vision, while interacting with the workers on the floor through the two-way talk feature. He can even set up alerts based on time of day, letting him check to see that cocoa breaks aren’t going on for too long.
4. Certified Security Steel Biometric Key Safe, $1,700
Some of us have pricey items on our wish lists, and they’re not the sort of thing Santa wants to leave lying around the workshop. To ensure their security, he keeps them in this high-tech safe that uses a fingerprint scanner, so it can be hidden away from any prying eyes who don’t want to wait until Christmas morning for their new tech toys.
5. Whistle animal tracker, $100
Fun fact: Reindeer tend to wander—and not all of them have an easy-to-spot red nose. Whistle’s GPS pet tracker may be designed for dogs, but it’s a handy tool for Santa to keep track of Blitzen and the rest of the bunch, too. The small system fits onto a pet’s collar and makes it easy to locate them when they go exploring. It can also alert up to four elves when the reindeer escape. And, since wearables are hot even in the North Pole, it acts as a fitness tracker of sorts, logging animal activity and rest.
6. Cellbusters Zone Protector, Prices vary
Protecting the secrecy of presents is of paramount importance at the North Pole, so Santa goes all-out to make sure visitors to the workshop don’t take secret photos on their phones to sell to the tabloids. The Zone Protector detects cell phones and hidden transmission devices and can either alert you to their presence or monitor their activity.
7. Torch flashlight, $200
Rudolph’s handy when flying a sleigh through heavy clouds, but Santa can’t bring him in the house when he’s delivering presents. And some living rooms are especially dark. The Torch is touted as the world’s brightest flashlight, shooting out some 4,100 lumens. Compare that to the roughly 1,600 lumens a 100-watt incandescent light bulb produces, and it’s a no-brainer for a quick look under the tree at midnight.
8. Spy Tec Mini Portable Real Time GPS Tracker, $130
Santa’s sleigh: it’s the key to the whole operation, so the Big Guy has to keep it safe. Spy Tec’s GPS tracker attaches to the bottom of your vehicle via powerful magnets, and then constantly tracks the sleigh—sending texts and email alerts when the elves take it out for a “test drive.” It carries a $25 per month charge, but the peace of mind is worth it to the Kringle family.
9. German Shepherd, Prices vary
While we weren’t able to find out the name of Santa’s canine best friend, Rudolph II, we did learn he was a German Shepherd—which the American Kennel Club notes is one of the best guard dog breeds, calling the pup “very fond of children [and elves] once a relationship is established.” You can get one at a pet store or breeder, but Santa gives extra presents to people who adopt one from their local Humane Society.