Every show needs a character to stir things up and throw a bit of controversy into the mix, and no one is more suited to this role than the Puerto Rican beauty queen-turned-singer who dominated last season’s audition shows with her hyperdramatic singing style, her unnerving laugh, her emotional highs and lows, and her campaign speeches. Del Toro is also something of a heroine to Anti-Idols, having made it not just through auditions, but all the way to the semi-final rounds, even getting called back for wild card consideration by the judges. Her electrifying ride, however, drove many viewers to near madness, prompting some to call her the worst performer in the show’s history.
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Hung’s achievement stands as the high bar all non-contenders strive to jump over. It is hard to recall the innocent days of 2004 when a sleeping nation had no clue just how far a person could go on anti-talent, but when a young engineering student stepped in front of the judges and performed a monotone version of Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs,” entertainment changed forever. Hung went on to enjoy the sort of career many actual Idols can only dream of, having recorded three albums, toured, appeared in films and commercials, and received online celebrity that will outlive the Internet itself. It is on his shoulders that the talentless stand: He must be on American Anti-Idol. (But may be too famous.)
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In the years since “She Bangs,” the entertainment world has held its breath, praying for the day when someone would match Hung’s achievement. Just as Titanic’s box office record seemed unsinkable, so too did it seem no other Anti-Idol could ever go that far. Until one elderly man showed us how it was done. Stepping onto the audition stage despite being decades over the age limit, the self-described “General” burst forth with a song of his own creation that within minutes became the unofficial anthem of the nation.
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When a man in a furry white hat appeared before the judges, he showed us all how a terrible song could open our hearts. The words of Filipino singer Lapuz’s anthem “We’re Brothers Forever” prompted judge Paula Abdul to leap from her chair and perform a cheer routine along with them. In that year’s finale, the USC marching band gave the song the grandeur it deserves. Two seasons later, its message still calls out to us. “I am your brother. Your best friend forever. Singing the song. The music that you like.”
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America had its collective breath taken away when it heard just how bad a version of “Go Down, Moses” could be. Lewis’ rendition seemed so deeply misguided that it evoked tragedy of another order, leading to questions about whether he was singing from a place of deeper dysfunction than just lack of talent. James Lewises cannot be made; they are born.
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Another hero to the Anti-Idols, Norman Gentle made it all the way to last year’s semi-finals on the strength of his actually great rendition of “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going” from Dreamgirls . In what turned into a hilarious parody of an Idol performance, the dual-personalitied Gentle—real name: Nick Mitchell—stormed off the semifinals stage and rolled on the floor while singing. He did not advance to the next round.
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In the annual glut of sob stories, young Josiah’s stood out by a mile. He laid it on thick with a tear-laden tale of a backwoods upbringing, followed by his coming to the big city and living in a car while pursuing his dreams. His soulful singing and angelic face only underlined the trail of woes that he had walked down.
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“Pop rock meets Broadway meets Jazz and R and B” is how then 18-year-old Roach described her style. And indeed, this instant star offered something for everyone, with a wacky outfit, bizarre dance moves, a brilliantly off-kilter singing style, and a lovable lack of self-awareness. Before entering the audition room, she told Ryan Seacrest that she planned to strut in, but “not too much strut because that looks tacky.”
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Some stars need no introduction. Clad in a bathing suit, Darrell took the Idol stage with such confidence that she was soon locked in a bitter feud not just with many of her fellow contestants, but with judge Kara DioGuardi. Her semi-dressed antics also caused the destruction of the hopes of one of Season 8’s the most promising auditionees, hippie girl Rose Flack. Bikini Girl: a femme fatale for the ages in Idol’s alternate universe.
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“I’m not a big fan of the show” the red-topped Thoen confessed as he stepped into his Idol audition, his gruff, if not angry manner, contrasting beautifully with his falsetto singing voice. Thoen’s rendition of “Bohemian Rhapsody” was wonderfully wrong, but his hostile demeanor was what makes him a truly valued member of the Anti-Idol all-stars.
Growling, smoldering, purring, striking his whip—Manoukian’s shirtless performance cast him instantly as the Rudolf Valentino of Anti-Idols.
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Although duos have not been allowed on Idol itself, in the world of Anti-Idol it would be a shame to break up an act. The pair bonded after being dismissed by Simon Cowell in one of his least humane reviews of all-time: he compared the bulging-eyed Briggs to a “bush baby.” They became a mismatched buddy team, and reappeared on the Idol stage at that season’s finale.
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On another planet, Wiley is, in fact, a great, great singer. But when the gawky overgrown nerd opened his mouth, what came out was not the expected off-key ‘90s ballad, but a falsetto rendition of Henry Purcell's harpsichordal "I Climbed the Frosty Mountain" delivered from an octave so high up the register that, somewhere out there, Tiny Tim could only gaze up in wonder. There is a brilliant internal consistency to the oddness of Wiley’s vocal stylings—they are like an ice crystal of perfect, complex, completely bizarre, beauty.
