Before the domestic violence segment broadcast pointedly to millions of viewers (although Chris Brown was still nominated for awards). Before Annie Lennox hopefully got millions of young viewers Googling furiously to wonder why they'd never had the pleasure of listening to her (oh...you have a goldmine to catch up on). Before Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga overdid the upscale lounge act. Before Prince turned up, in vintage orange Bea Arthur tunic and palazzo pants, and pursed his lips at the nation...
Before all that, the Grammys Red Carpet had fashion-watchers transfixed, and bitching.
It started out very soberly: lots of people in black, and some polite geometric cutouts, and Kat Graham in a sheer dress with what looked swipes of correcting fluid.
And then things left the tracks--thank you world of pop and rock. Rihanna turned up in the couture version of that ravenous plant in Little Shop of Horrors. The dress has its own ZIP code. Katy Perry wore something glittery and shredded--no sharks *sob*--and Madonna decided to wear not much, look a bit bondagey, and show her bum to the cameras. It was like the 90s again. Fabulous!
The Grammys outdid themselves, anyway. Thank you for the laughs. And Haim (sober smile): excellent tuxedos.
Getty; AP
Underneath Rihanna's ginormous Giambattista Valli pink gown: a desk, a family of five, nine Louis Vuitton valises, a small caravan, an Alpine ski resort, and possibly Pink herself. Has anyone seen Pink? She may now be part of a pink dress. This is the dress that ate the Grammys.
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So, Madonna was out doing her grocery shopping, in like a basque and fishnets and some old conical boobs from the early 90s. The cashiers yawned--it's her version of a Gap pair of khakis. Her manager called, and told her it was the Grammys. Crap, said Madonna, I've shocked everyone with everything. OK, I'm going to do dash home, and wing it as a bondage French maid, with my arse showing at the back. Givenchy sent something the other day, and I was just going to wear it to Jamba Juice. I will also exhibit my deeply tedious artistic seriousness on the red carpet. The contrast will be magnifique. The gays will still go for it. Right? Right? Like she cares.
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Sia Furler arrived on the red carpet with 12-year-old dancer Maddie Ziegler in a big wig she could barely see out from under. It reminded this watcher of Krystle Carrington at her fringiest.
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If Sia has the Carrington chatelaine's hair, Kim is wearing Krystle Carrington's old house-coat used for lost mornings polishing the silver at the mansion, or Blake's shiny hair. The Jean Paul Gaultier gown is eighties multipled by the eighties, with added spangle in case you hadn't gotten the message. Kanye had a major fashion moment of his own, showing off serious side-boob in his suit.
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Excellent use of white tuxedo. That is all.
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The strange world-conqueringness of Ariana Grande continues, with confusion over why it's happening. Anyway, she is certainly dressing the part of diva-in-making, here in white Versace with tin-foil slashes in bizarre places.
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The excellent thing about CharliXCX is that she's intelligent and eloquent, and she knows how to wear Moschino, with what looks like one of Liberace's cast-off furs. No flesh showing. Refreshing.
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Gwen Stefani Can Do No Fashion Wrong. Great Atelier Versace jumpsuit.
Last year, it was all about a certain hat, this year Pharrell wore a sportswear suit combo, which is part of his Adidas collection. Canny self-promotion, for sure. The bow tie alone made us happy.
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This is really the way to do cutouts, unless you're really good with real paper and scissors: Jessie J in Ralph and Russo.
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Good grief, the fashion-watchers gooed their knickers over this Zuhair Murad gown with glittery shredded bits. But I just keep thinking late-era Liz Taylor after four mid-afternoon Mai Tais, a few pills, and some evil gay assistant putting funny-colored wigs on her.
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Dave Grohl: I love Dave Grohl, no idea who designed this outfit, but I know I'd like to go to an awards ceremony with Dave Grohl.
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Did you see Meghan Trainor's dad Gary on the red carpet with her? The world loves Gary. The gown is by Galia Lahav, and she looks super.
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Stripes. There were no stripes until Zendaya gave the red carpet stripes, and my night was complete. Until Annie Lennox.
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On Monday night, Rancic will join her regular team on Fashion Police to critique others. The internet frothed as it always does about her weight when she appeared in this jumpsuit with cutouts, and very thin frame.
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Her blue Elie Saab gown opened as a pair of drapes might, and her made her look stiff and stilted--but the fashion critics loved it.
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The queen of all she surveys in appositely regal Proenza Schouler black gown.
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Remember the days of meat dresses? Gone forever. Now Gaga is turning up in custom siren gowns like this relatively sober Brandon Maxwell creation. Gorgeous and all. But, pah, sadness.
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The dress is fabulous enough, but she wins hairdo of the night. Dream hair.
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Oh dear, we do love Nicole's once-a-year rock chick attempt. But this year, it is all about Urban's steal from Jennifer Aniston. His hair: it's totally Rachel-from-Friends. It looks amazing on him.
Jordan Strauss/AP
OK, we end with our men's gold star of the evening. Ne-Yo in the best men's look of the evening, a two-tone Marc Jacobs suit, which finally liberated red carpet hombres from the blue-black thing. I utterly covet this suit.
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