Ted Cruz “stole” Iowa. Such is the narrative propagated by one-time GOP frontrunner Donald Trump, who first took the Iowa caucus loss with uncharacteristic grace and humility before launching into one of his standard stomping-around-in-a-circle tirades about the questionable practices employed by the Cruz campaign to ensure an Iowa victory.
In case you missed it, Team Cruz sent out sketchy—and thoroughly confusing—mailers to thousands of Iowa voters that were designed to look like official state government documents. If that weren’t enough, Cruz and Co. notified voters on Monday night that Ben Carson was suspending campaigning, and fired off an email to supporters that the former neurosurgeon was “taking time off from the campaign trail after Iowa and making a big announcement next week.” It turned out to be bogus, and when Cruz took Iowa with 27.6 percent of the vote—compared to Trump’s 24.3 percent—the cotton candy-haired real estate mogul cried foul.
On Friday night’s edition of HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, the sarcastic satirist weighed in on the new development.
“Very surprising in Iowa! Ted Cruz beat Donald Trump—what the pundits are calling ‘the lesser of two assholes,’” exclaimed Maher. “Ted pulled it out at the last minute with his slogan especially tailored to the Iowa voter: ‘Vote for me and I’ll leave!’ He is not a liked man.” As for Trump’s gripe(s) against Cruz, Maher—who is no fan of Trump, mind you, but an even bigger Cruz hater—seemed to side with The Donald. “Now, to be fair, Donald Trump does have kind of a point—Ted Cruz did cheat,” said Maher. “He put out a press release and had his precinct captains call all over saying Ben Carson, the other evangelical in the race, was dropping out to trick his voters—as Jesus would do. And it worked! Because sixty-four percent of Republican voters in Iowa are born again, and a hundred percent are born yesterday.”
Maher didn’t just unload on the Republicans, either. The stand-up comedian also criticized Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton for her close finish against rival Bernie Sanders in Iowa. “Hillary and Bernie, now, fought to a dead even tie,” said Maher to loud chants of BER-NIE. “I do think Hillary, I love her, but she’s just not good at this; just not good at campaigning. In 2008, she lost to a black man with a Muslim name, now she’s losing to a 74-year-old Jewish socialist. I mean Hillary, we’re making this as easy as we can for you but you’re gonna have to help a little!” “You gotta admit, Sanders having a tie [in Iowa] and now he’s gonna have a win in New Hampshire,” added Maher. “A tie and a win in the first two will go a long way towards addressing the electability issue. Forever Bernie’s been like the guy who the girl dates but doesn’t marry. ‘I love him but he can’t win’ is the political version of, ‘He gives me great orgasms but he doesn’t have a job.’ But that’s all in question now.”
Indeed it is.