On Thursday night, the Republican Party’s crowded field of presidential candidates gathered for yet another debate moderated by Fox News’ Megyn Kelly and Chris Wallace with one yuge, fox-haired omission: Donald J. Trump.Yes, Trump, afraid of fielding tough questions from the no-nonsense Kelly, declined to participate in the debate. If you recall, Kelly embarrassed the real estate heir by probing him on his history of gross misogynistic statements, which Trump first deflected, and then confirmed with a sexist jab at Kelly ex post facto. According to Fox News, the real estate heir demanded $5 million from the conservative network to participate in the debate, and when they declined, he chose to hold a competing Iowa event at nearby Drake University, raising $6 million—claims Trump—for veterans. The donations, however, appear to be funneled through his nonprofit the Donald J. Trump Foundation, and Trump has refused to disclose which exact veterans’ organizations will be receiving funds.
Anyway, Trump BFF Bill Maher weighed on in all the hullabaloo during Friday night’s edition of HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher.
“Donald Trump was across town. He held an event to compete with the debate: a charity for Wounded Warriors. Because who better to celebrate our soldiers who have faced bombs and bullets than the guy who ran away in terror from Megyn Kelly?” said Maher of the Vietnam draft-dodger. “That’s why Trump boycotted the debate—because Megyn Kelly was mean to him! And you know what? I think we can all sympathize here, that it’s almost impossible for a Republican to get a fair hearing on Fox.” “It was boring, that debate,” added Maher. “I wish Trump hadn’t pulled out—and his father had.”
The media-savvy Trump won the night anyway, with his social media mentions overshadowing the GOP’s debaters.
“It doesn’t matter what Trump does!” exclaimed Maher. “His supporters love him to the end. He is in a magical place with the people who follow him. He could lock himself in a porta-potty, knock it over trying to get out, crawl out covered in piss and toilet paper, and they’d go, ‘See? Romney never did that! That’s awesome.’”
“He’s taking over the party!” he continued. “He’s beating the establishment, he’s beating Fox News. Watch out, Jesus—you could be next!”
Maher also took some time to compliment moderator Kelly, aka the Face of Fox News, for being a far more intelligent, viable candidate for POTUS than the Republicans’ current crop of candidates. “I think Trump was a genius for skipping it because it’s gotten to that place that TV series’ get where we’ve seen it all before, and it’s boring,” said Maher. “My only takeaway was you Republicans are so dumb: Megyn Kelly should be your candidate! She’s so much better than the stiffs on the stage.”