On June 19th, Charlie Sheen—who many of us last saw on the Today show admitting to Matt Lauer that he was HIV-positive and fending off “millions” in extortion payments—will sit down with Piers Morgan for a tell-all interview at the Theatre Royal in the UK. Now Piers Morgan is, of course, a professional mouth-breather who’s failed upward his entire career, and whose latest embarrassment has been serving as a cheerleader for presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald J. Trump (he once laughed at Donald as the real estate heir sexually harassed a female contestant on The Apprentice).
To promote the interview with Morgan across the pond, Sheen appeared on The Graham Norton Show, where the titular host asked the former Two and a Half Men star, a 9/11 truther who’s unleashed some strange anti-Obama rants in the past, if he is a “fan” of Trump.
“I’m really not [a fan]. No. I’m really not,” answered Sheen.
He then told a little story about Donald that apparently was meant to serve as a metaphor for the ex-reality star’s phoniness. “I am reminded of a time about five years ago. I was at a dinner with my ex-wife Brooke [Mueller] and her family and this and that, and about halfway through I noticed Donald staring at my watch. And so he started saying, ‘Listen… I’m sorry that I can’t make your wedding,’ and I was [thinking], I didn’t invite you. So he says, ‘But I want to give you an early wedding gift as a gesture from me and Melania.’ And she doesn’t say a word. She’s very sweet and very pretty, but just kind of sits there, ya know?” recalled Sheen. “[Trump] says, ‘These are platinum diamond Harry Winston,’ and he pulls off his cuff links and he gives them to me,” he continued. “And so I’m like, ‘Oh gosh, Mr. Trump, you really shouldn’t do this,’ and he goes, ‘No, no, it’s the least I can do.’”
Well, apparently the cuff links were big ol’ fakes.“So smash-cut to about six months later, I have some jewelry getting appraised at the house and she finished and was leaving, and I said, ‘Oh yeah, you know there’s a couple other pieces I have that I’m very curious about. Would you mind appraising these?’” said Sheen. “She said, ‘Oh, what are they?’ I explained the dinner, this and that, these are from Donald Trump, Harry Winston, flawless Ds, platinum. She took the loupe, spent about four seconds, and kind of recoiled from it—much like people do from Trump.”
“So [the appraiser] says, ‘In their finest moment, these are cheap pewter and bad zirconias.’ And they’re stamped ‘Trump.’ And I just thought, ‘What does this really say about the man? That he said this is a great wedding gift, and it’s just a bag of dogshit?’”
When Norton’s audience laughed, Sheen looked out at them and remarked, “Is that the laughter I can hear coming across the pond at our country about this charlatan?”
“I have faith,” he added, “that good and decent people will make the right choice and the circus will leave town before it contaminates the Oval Office.”