Bernie Sanders Releases Health Records

Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders, 74, released a statement from his doctor Thursday detailing his health records. Among the many details, including good cholesterol levels and blood pressure, the doctor discloses that Sanders has been treated for hernias, non-cancerous cysts, arthritis, gout, and diverticulitis. “You are in overall very good health and active in your professional work, and recreational lifestyle without limitation,” the doctor assured Sanders (and, in turn, voters). In case you were curious, his most recent colonoscopy returned normal results.