Cicadas, mosquitoes, and bears, oh my! Excited for summer 2013? Don't be. With record-breaking high temperatures and poop-infested pools, it's shaping up to be one of the worst on record. Here's a look at the things to dred in the months ahead. Happy complaining!
USDA, via AP; Bebeto Matthews/AP;Nati Harnik/AP;Trisnadi/AP
The cicadas are coming, the cicadas are coming! If you've somehow managed to avoid the fact that billions of the Brood II little rascals are descending on the East Coast, what rock are you living under? They're coming. Pictures of the noisy bugs are taking over Instagram—cats are getting jealous!—but hey, if life gives you cicadas, make cicada-ade. No really, you can drink them. Might as well.
"Hangry" (hungry + angry) humans are one thing; hangry bears are another. This summer in California, brown bears are running rampant, climbing trees, and knocking over garbage cans in search of food. Last week a woman was forced to barricade herself in the basement after a bear broke in through through her kitchen window. So keep those yummy smells at bay—or "mmm, good" will turn to "mmm, grrr."
Global warming's about to rain on your summer parade—literally. According to meteorologists, fuel supplied from an influx of hot air this summer could result in more violent thunderstorms than ever before. So pick yourself out a sassy umbrella and make a Dark ’n’ Stormy to go. Time to dance in the rain.
Pee-eww! Sweaty subway riders won't be the only things stinking up your summer. Scientists predict that brown marmorated stink bugs will reach record numbers in summer 2013. The stanky bugs both live and mate outdoors, but have been known to find their way into a house or two. Sorry, noses, but Febreze can't tame this smelly beast.
Who pooped in the pool? According to a recent study by the Centers for Disease Control, more people than you think. Researchers say they discovered E. coli—an indicator for fecal matter—in 58 percent of America's pools. Silver lining: a whole new set of pool games. (Marco Poop-o?)
Small mosquitoes are for sissies. Experts predict that mosquitoes the size of quarters will be infesting Florida this summer—the second year in a row that the gnarly insects will make an appearance. Worse still, a new study this year found that the smarty-panted pests have learned to ignore the popular insect repellant deet. Your blood, it's what for dinner.
Hot diggity—damn. Crushing summer barbecue dreams everywhere, researchers confirmed that consuming hot dogs regularly can increase your chance of developing colorectal cancer. Unfortunately, weiners aren't the only dangerous grilled treat. Chicken and ground beef, experts found, lead the pack in the list of things that cause food poisoning. Happy grilling!
Mark Lennihan/AP
Thursdays aren't the only ones that will be thirsty this summer. With record-high temperatures, the summer of 2013 will likely be the worst drought on record, experts say. Part of the prediction is based on last summer's severe conditions, the majority of which were classified as D4 (extreme or severe). While an increased chance of rain will likely help, forecasters worry it won't be enough. Hurry up, quench your thirst before it's too late.
Nati Harnik/AP
Air conditioners, start your engines. If you're not in the mood for a spicy, hot summer, then get in the mood. If Australia's record-high temperatures are any indication, we may be headed for the hottest summer in history. When global warming flexes its muscles, it's a recipe for swass and swoob disasters (sweaty ass, sweaty boob).
These little guys have got it in the bag. Joining cicadas and mosquitoes in this summer of bug horror, bagworms (the larvae of a moth) will be make a big splash this summer. Patrick Byers, horticulture specialist with University of Missouri, says the time to get rid of them is now, before they hatch from the bags they've been living in all summer. As Ludacris so eloquently once asked: what in the world is in that bag?
Ignacio Baez/USDA, via AP
National Lampoon’s summer vacation got off to a rocky start, and look how that turned out! With the sequester in full effect, summer flights are likely to be a nightmare, with long lines for security and sky-high prices. (Yeah, pun intended).
Damian Dovarganes/AP
Kleenex is about to get lucky this summer. Scientists predict that due to global warming, allergies will be the worst on record. The Northeast is likely to be hit the hardest in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. #achoo
Cue the Jaws theme. A massive 14-foot shark fatally attacked a man in New Zealand recently, sparking fears that this summer will bring even more deadly attacks. Experts say increased lifeguarding staff in areas prone to shark-attacks will be in place. But when danger strikes, it may just be too late.
