R.I.P., USA

‘Daily Show’s’ Trevor Noah Sums Up Trump’s Win With a Herpes Joke

On ‘The Daily Show,’ Trevor Noah just wasn’t sure how to feel about the GOP frontrunner finally vanquishing Ted Cruz.

As expected, Wednesday night’s Daily Show opened with the harsh reality that Donald Trump has sealed the Republican nomination for president.

“That’s right, people, take a second and breathe that in,” Trevor Noah said at the top of the show. “Because American politics has just entered a whole new world, just like the one Aladdin and Jasmine sang about. Except they can’t come, because they’re Muslim.”

But as horrifying as this new development seems, Noah wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel… because it also means that Ted Cruz is no longer in the race. “Yay? Is this a yay? I’m so conflicted,” he said. “I mean, Ted Cruz lost, but it’s because Donald Trump won. It’s like finding out your herpes is gone but it’s because your dick fell off.

“We really need to take a second to let what has happened here really sink in. Does everyone here understand how historic this is?” Noah asked his audience. “The last time either major party nominated a total outsider, someone who had never held elected office, was Dwight D. Eisenhower. And that only happened because he beat Hitler. So back then you had to win World War II. Now you just have to win Twitter.”

The South African host, embracing his stance as an outsider in the United States, noted that when he first started on The Daily Show, everyone asked him if he was “ready” for American politics. “But now seeing all of this shit happen, I think I should have asked if you were ready,” he said. “Yeah, because I’m from a Third World country. It looks like you are headed to one.”

Finally, Noah shamed the many members of the media who repeated over and over again for months that Trump had no chance of becoming the Republican nominee, including those who vowed to eat their shoelaces or their own right hand if he did. “Why does everything have to be about eating in this country?” he asked.

Well, at least Rep. Peter King doesn’t have to take cyanide now.

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Matt WilsteinSenior Editor

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