There’s a lesson here: Loyal employees will cheerily accept being thrown under the bus—but only up to a point. After John Edwards finally admitted that he’d cheated on his wife with former campaign videographer Rielle Hunter, he still denied he was the father of Hunter’s baby. That honor, according to the Edwards campaign, went to staffer Andrew Young, who was bizarrely shipped off to California to live with Hunter and Young’s wife. This year, Young began shopping around a book proposal in which he says he often arranged hookups between the candidate and his mistress, and that Edwards knew he was Hunter’s baby daddy all along, but wanted news stories to be merely about an aide’s infidelity. Perhaps most disturbingly, Young says Edwards promised to marry Hunter (after his wife died) in a ceremony that would include a performance by Dave Matthews Band. Now that’s just…embarrassing.
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In many ways, the dramatic rise and fall of Miss USA runner-up Carrie Prejean mirrors that of conservative politicians who get caught violating the very morals they preach. After Prejean publicly opposed same-sex marriage in response to a pageant question from celebrity blogger Perez Hilton, she quickly became a martyr for the right wing, which claimed she lost the crown because of her political views. Prejean rode the sudden fame wave into TV ads for the anti-gay National Organization for Marriage, and spoke at the final convocation at Jerry Falwell's Liberty University. But after partially nude pictures of the beauty queen surfaced, her Christian boosters grew queasy. And when Playboy came calling and a sex tape surfaced (of course), her Miss Moral Values tiara was irreparably tarnished.
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Still crazy after all these years, the Queen of the Wingnuts outdid herself in 2009. The Republican congresswoman declared she would boycott the 2010 Census, citing the Census Bureau’s role in the internment of Japanese Americans some 60 years ago. She called it an “interesting coincidence” that America’s two major swine flu outbreaks both occurred under Democratic presidents. (Though she was later corrected—the first outbreak occurred during the Ford administration.) And at a fundraiser in Colorado, Bachmann encouraged conservatives to “slit our wrists” and become blood brothers against the health-care bill— the same bill that Bachmann said would let 13-year-olds be "taken away to the local abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus that night.”
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Many people, yearning for fame, dream of becoming celebrated actors or acclaimed musicians. Richard Heene, living in Colorado, had a more unorthodox plan: Launch a weather balloon into the air, tell the local media his son was trapped inside, and build a reality-TV empire from there. Unfortunately, it was not to be: Though Heene and his wife, two-time Wife Swap stars, were able to draw the attention of a briefly riveted public, their ruse was quickly revealed—by the boy himself, Falcon, who, prodded by the journalistic inquiries of Wolf Blitzer, turned to his parents and said, “You guys said that, um, we did this for the show.” Richard Heene admitted the whole thing was a hoax and turned himself in to the police. He has since pleaded guilty to a felony charge and could serve up to 90 days in prison.
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2008 vanquished Sarah Palin, and in 2009 her archnemesis rose. Since arriving on the scene a year and a half ago as Bristol Palin's baby daddy, Levi Johnston has appeared on numerous talk shows, gone shopping with The Daily Beast, and most recently, posed for Playgirl. In his shoot, he bared (nearly) all, and won "Best Crossover Performer" at the first annual Fleshbot Awards. Sarah Palin jabbed that Levi "hasn't seen the baby much while he's been on his media tours." We're not quite as embarrassed for him as she is, but we'd be remiss not to acknowledge his unorthodox year.
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Last week, the White House found itself on the butt-end of its own balloon boyish joke when an uninvited couple managed to waltz into a State Dinner and have their picture taken with the president. The incident left everyone looking ridiculous, not least of all White House Social Secretary Desiree Rogers, who apparently failed to station a staff member at the entrance to check invitations. Rogers' embarrassment has only been worsened by her emerging reputation as a fame-seeker. In the aftermath of the incident, she’s come off as nearly as shameless as Tareq and Michaele, whose ambition is reportedly to end up on the Bravo reality show Real Housewives of D.C.
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For a long time, Jon Gosselin, formerly of Jon & Kate Plus 8 and currently the most famous unemployed IT specialist in the country, enjoyed the sympathy of many of his show’s viewers. He was seen as a hapless yet loving father who was sometimes browbeaten by his aggressive wife. But the tables quickly turned after the two separated because of what Kate described as "Jon's activities." With the divorce still pending, Jon spent the summer cashing in on his fame—moving between girlfriends, partying in Las Vegas, and hanging out with other celebrity dads like Michael Lohan and Kevin Federline. After a while, there were few willing to publicly side with the earring-wearing Ed Hardy enthusiast. Jon’s embarrassment was compounded when his name was removed from the show's title in November; unbowed, he reportedly went on a snowboarding trip in Utah for Thanksgiving.
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It was a slow-mo implosion that only grew tawdrier as it unfolded. The June disappearance of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford was initially—and awkwardly—explained away as a hiking trip on the Appalachian Trail. It was later revealed that Sanford was actually trysting with his mistress in beautiful Argentina. The scandal boasted countless surreal moments, the most memorable of which was Sanford's teary, tell-all press conference that set a new standard for poorly handled confessions. The jet-setting philanderer has so far managed to escape impeachment, but he’s been charged with 37 counts of breaking state ethics laws, which could result in as much as $74,000 in fines.
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Tiger Woods made his name—and his sponsorship money—in part by presenting himself as the least-interesting professional athlete on the planet: quiet, courteous, and leading an uneventful life with his beautiful, classy wife, who just happened to be a Swedish former bikini model. And then, one Thanksgiving weekend SUV accident and a smashed car window later, Tiger became the most fascinating sportsman in the country. Revelations of mistresses, racy text messages, and “crazy Ambien sex,” transformed the golfer from an untouchable icon to the most embarrassed pro on the PGA tour. Even mild-mannered Swedish golfer Jesper Parnevik said he’s “lost all respect for [Tiger], as a man and a father.”
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This year, Contessa Brewer joined the illustrious ranks of TV anchors whose on-air flubs will be forever available on YouTube. When she accidentally introduced Jesse Jackson as Reverend Al Sharpton live on MSNBC in October, Brewer tried to recover from the racially awkward incident by insisting that she in fact knew who Jesse Jackson was. But Brewer has a history of on-air bloopers, as viewers quickly learned after the video went viral—she once aimlessly applied lip gloss during a newscast, and often blames her slips on teleprompter typos.
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When Lindsay Lohan was offered a chance to be a “creative consultant” to famed couture house Ungaro, many hoped it would be a creative outlet not too far removed from her line of leggings, 6126, or her personal brand of self-tan spray, Sevin Nyne. Alas, it was not to be. Lohan’s collection for Ungaro was brutally rejected by the fashion world, a realm not known for its sensitivity to failure. Even The New York Times joined the mugging, calling her hiring “something akin to a McDonald’s fry cook taking the reins of a three-star Michelin restaurant.” Singled out for particular derision was Lohan’s decision to deck out some of the runway models in sequined pasties. La Lohan's comeback, it seems, will not be couture based.
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Merrill Lynch certainly saved the best for last with its final chairman and CEO John Thain before merging with Bank of America. Though he’d been selected as the president of global banking security and wealth management for the newly combined company, he resigned on January 22, the same day details of his spending hit the public forum. According to a CNBC report, Thain spent more than $1.2 million of the company’s money to spruce up his office, hiring a world-class designer to decorate his working space with, in part, a $87,000 area rug, a $68,000 credenza, and a $35,000 commode. Days later, Thain admitted, “It is clear to me in today's world that it was a mistake… I should have simply paid for it myself.” Perhaps he then tossed his carefully worded apology into his $1,400 trash bin.
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Christian Bale, who was rumored to have savagely berated a crew member during the filming of Terminator: Salvation, was hardly the first movie star to behave rudely on set. Unfortunately for Bale, his raging broadside turned out to be true—all three minutes and 49 seconds of it—and was captured on tape. Within a week, Bale’s rant, and all of its 36 varied uses of the F-word, had reached full-fledged meme status, including a “techno remix” and a Colbert parody featuring Steve Martin. The Batman actor eventually apologized; Terminator: Salvation, on the other hand, was deemed a financial failure.
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Audra Shay, 38, was vying to become chairman of the Young Republicans when The Daily Beast uncovered a series of Facebook threads that threatened to doom her candidacy. It began with Shay's response to a friend's post that called President Obama a "terrorist" and said there was a need to "take this country back from all these mad coons." Shay haphazardly responded, "You tell em Eric! lol." Strike two was her reaction to an effigy of Sarah Palin being hung outside a home as a Halloween decoration, when she posted, "What no 'Obama in a noose?" The next morning she corrected herself, and wrote, "I am wondering if the guys with the Palin noose would care if we had a bunch of homosexuals in a noose." Mortifying as the remarks themselves were, what's perhaps even more embarrassing is the fact that even after Shay's comments became public knowledge, she still won the Young Republican party chairmanship.
What began in 2008 as a bout of "excessive sushi consumption" grew in 2009 into a tale of Epstein-Barr, exhaustion, and various other ailments that the Entourage star claimed were the reason he couldn't complete his six-month run on Broadway as star of David Mamet's Speed-the-Plow. But Piven's sick-bed behavior, which included a trip to Thailand and several alleged hookups with beautiful women, did not rally the public to his side. Even Mamet didn't give him a break. “So my understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer," Mamet cracked.
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Days after stepping in to replace prostitute-patron and New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, David Paterson announced that he too had stepped out on his wife. But that turned out to be one of the least embarrassing things about his ongoing tenure as governor—Paterson’s handling of state affairs has rivaled the sturdiness of his wedding vows. His party literally locked themselves in the state senate chamber, refusing to let the Republicans in. And President Obama has been trying to convince Paterson to resist the urge to run for reelection. A recent poll shows his primary challenger, Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, leading him by an amazing 59 points. Paterson’s credibility has been so reduced that his latest campaign ads feature a voiceover that begins, “Some say I shouldn’t be running for governor”—a political death-rattle if we’ve ever heard one.
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Only in Italy could a public official get away with what Silvio Berlusconi has. Can you imagine if, say, Mitt Romney had joked about Barack Obama’s “suntanned” skin? Or if John McCain had thrown wild parties at which prostitutes and drugs allegedly made an appearance? Italy’s 73-year-old prime minister has weathered more scandals and gaffes than we can count, and in his long streak of inappropriate behavior, 2009 was a banner year. He was accused of having sexual relations with an actress whose 18th-birthday party he attended (he denies it), and is now in divorce proceedings with his wife, who is reportedly seeking $5.3 million monthly “maintenance” payments. Most recently, Berlusconi spent last week denying he has a history of Mafia connections. But he’s kept his famous sense of humor intact throughout—while meeting airport workers recently in Olbia, he joked to one of them, “Do you have problems with the Mafia? Don’t worry—I am the Mafia!”
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Following in the fine tradition of spectacle at the MTV Video Music Awards—including memorable moments like Eminem’s decision to slap Triumph the Comic Insult Dog, a canine puppet, in 2002—Kanye West expressed his frustration with the outcome of the “Best Female Video” award at this year's show by storming on stage, taking the Moon Man statue away from winner Taylor Swift, and telling the crowd that “Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time.” A baffled Swift was later invited onstage by Beyoncé to “have her moment.” The following day, President Obama was heard weighing in on the controversy in an off-the-record comment calling West a “jackass.”
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Miley Cyrus’ dad, Billy Ray, whose parenting skills were once considered unimpeachable, drew criticism earlier in the year for clapping during his daughter’s Teen Choice Awards routine, which prominently featured the megastar performing a pole dance on top of an ice cream cart. Some thought that Miley, who is 16, was too young to be performing in such a sexualized manner. (That same evening, she'd already strutted the red carpet in a revealing microskirt). But her father, talking to Access Hollywood, saw it differently. “You know what?” he said, “I think that Miley just loves entertaining people.”
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Another in a string of dads whose conduct left something to be desired this year, Joe Jackson re-emerged in the wake of his son Michael’s death, seeming less interested in paying tribute to his son than in letting reporters know about his business ventures. Joe remained steadfast against criticism that his press conferences and red carpet plugs for his record label were insensitive, and recently engendered further controversy by attempting to get money from his son's estate, claiming that the late singer, who once said that the sight of his father made him feel physically ill, had been supporting him.
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When Rihanna’s performance at the Grammys this year was canceled, it took hours for the story to break that her then-boyfriend, Chris Brown, had abused her—and hours for that same story to damage Brown's once-promising career. The fresh-faced pop singer, who turned himself in to police the same night and was later convicted of felony assault, didn’t help matters by later blaming the media for pushing him and Rihanna apart after the abuse. “I don’t think my career is over,” he told Larry King. But since the incident, the closest he’s come to a resurgence is the use of his Doublemint Gum ad jingle as the soundtrack to a viral YouTube wedding video.
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