When critics summarize Sunday night’s red carpet shenanigans at the Golden Globes, they will talk rightly of all the red on display—particularly Allison Williams and Lena Dunham. They will talk of cutout dresses and the on-trend origami mischiefs of Kate Hudson (good), and Rosamund Pike (not so good, but she is just five weeks postpartum, so free passes all around). There was a lot of silver, too. And the men’s tux was doing everything from plain black to plum to midnight blue. And then there was Jennifer Lopez and her amazing hair. There was an awards ceremony afterward, apparently, but we were DONE by 8 p.m.
OK, Lena Dunham has left the flamenco dancer horror of last year at home, and instead wowed in red Zac Posen. But not many seemed to like it. I did, but I was very excited about the first episode of Season 4 of Girls, sorry.
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Umm, Jennifer Lopez found her bathrobe on the floor. A gay assistant shrieked and bought some glittery, spangly things. They immediately set to work with a glue gun and a pair of scissors, with Jennifer shouting, “Give me more goddess, bitch!” Then a hairdresser coming down from the wildest trip of his life arrived with a blow dryer. Then the limo arrived. And another for her hair. VOILÀ!
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Everyone hailed Jennifer Aniston’s Saint Laurent gown and gasped in adulation that she had put her hair up. For us, the waterfall of praise marked a moment when you had to wonder at Western civilization’s sanity. I mean, it’s nice. And that’s it. Come on.
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George Clooney came to the Globes with his wife, Amal Clooney. The talk was of her gloves (was she scared of germs, asked a friend, or just getting contaminated by Hollywood?) and killer black Dior gown, rather than him winning his jolly big lifetime achievement award. Her gloves even got their own Twitter account.
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Now this is how to do cutouts. Kate Hudson wears the equivalent of a dress detonator. Versace! Bam!
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British class: Benedict Cumberbatch and his expectant fiancée, Sophie Hunter.
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Actress Reese Witherspoon stunning in silver Calvin Klein.
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Mean comments about Colonel Sanders aside, I like Melissa McCarthy’s DIY costume, especially as it had been styled by (Sir Fabulous) George Kotsiopolous.
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Oh, Lupita Nyong’o: Feathers work every time, even when the rest of this Giambattista Valli outfit is off doing its own thing.
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Claire Danes gets the invite that says “peasant-picnic-mash-up-ballgown” and totally goes for it. With appliqué, so forgiven.
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Keira Knightley is pregnant, and clearly someone at Chanel decided she would pay for this red carpet complication by wearing a serrated edge of awfulness around her neck and a lampshade from her calves downward. Keira, learn to question Chanel.
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There’s a Disney princess somewhere cursing out Kerry Washington for making off with this. Fun.
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Matthew McConaughey and his beard—his crazy, stop-it-now beard—make it to the red carpet with his long-suffering wife, Camila Alves, who we hope has a good moisturizer.
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Channing Tatum was actually chewing gum when he arrived on the red carpet. Shocking, right, fellow grannies? His wife, Jenna Dewan Tatum, also followed, very prettily, the yellow brick red carpet.
How to do red carpet, lessons 1-100, thank you, Salma Hayek. Everyone said this was too safe. Nothing wrong with safe. Now pass me a mint.
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It was very kind of Keith Lieberthal to come to the Golden Globes. We like Keith. We hear the woman with him is one of the finest actresses of her generation. Juliana Margulies in statuesque red. Anyway, hey, Keith. Heyyy.
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Naomi Watts, beautiful in a yellow strapless Gucci gown, had Bulgari accessories, including a glittering serpent around her neck, but the most stunning was her partner, Liev Schreiber.
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Hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler on the red carpet, before brilliantly picking off their targets in their opening monologue.
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This is how to win the red carpet: Jessica Chastain in Atelier Versace, and jewelery by Piaget, shimmers in copper and discovers her inner Jessica Rabbit, too.
Julianne Moore in Givenchy Haute Couture by Riccardo Tisci. Intelligent, eloquent, she just wins for us. Whatever passing nomination there is.
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More silver action from Diane Kruger, with partner Joshua Jackson, who will be FP—Forever Pacey.
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In the battle of the actresses wearing white dresses that did funny things at the front with cutouts and things over the shoulder, Emily Blunt in Michael Kors—pictured with husband John Krasinski—won.
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Hotness meets couple: Chrissy Teigen, in Zuhair Murad, and musician John Legend.
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Lorde in a Narciso Rodriguez trouser suit: so excellent and assured, a calming corrective to all the surrounding ruffles.
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Giuliana Rancic in Maria Lucia Hohan: Twitter blows up about how bony and skinny she is instead of praising her engaging and fun four-hour hosting stint.
Sigh. Christine Baranski stunning, classy, etc., etc., in Zac Posen. Note, more cutouts.
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The best thing about Ethan Hawke is how bouncy and excited he was to be there. And he’s gorgeous, which helps.
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Annie star Quvenzhané Wallis in Armani Junior is poiifect.
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Rosamund Pike gave birth five weeks ago, and so there was much praise lavished on her for wearing this Vera Wang gown. But it looks crazy awful. Note: This is not to criticize anyone wearing a revealing dress on the red carpet five weeks after giving birth—just this one. It’s doing all kinds of wrong to Pike’s body.
Just off the red carpet, but honorary inclusion for "best suit of the evening" to Jill Soloway (fourth from left), with Jeffrey Tambor (fourth from right) and the cast of Transparent posing with their awards, Best Television Comedy or Musical and Best Actor in a TV Comedy or Musical.
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