Unless you’re totally Twitter illiterate, you’re probably aware that there is a huge population of tweenagers who refer to themselves as “the fandom.” The fandom exists solely to serve One Direction: writing return of Zayn Malik fan fiction, editing Instagrams until Harry Styles locks are at peak lusciousness, and reminding Niall Horan that nobody’s forgotten about him (even though we totally have). The fandom might look all adorable and besotted, but beneath their Kylie Jenner Hair Kouture extensions and custom-made 1D fan tees lie bloodthirsty bodyguards, as passionate about protecting “their boys” as they are apathetic about homework, dress codes, and going outside. Even when their overzealously applied mascara has accidentally bound their eyelids shut, the fandom still sees all. Wide-eyed face Emoji, gun Emoji, five red exclamation points.
In today’s edition of the fandom strikes back, we have the hash tag #HarryBeCareful, which is remarkably trending on Twitter despite being neither universally relevant nor pertinent to the Meek Mill-Drake feud. But what could Harry Styles possibly have to fear? A Meek Mill wedgie? Man bun backlash? A midnight visit from Taylor Swift’s vengeful girl gang?
Apparently, the increase in meme-based protection—basically just memes, this isn’t an actual security threat—is linked to none other than notorious fandom villain Mr. X. For those of you with regular jobs, emotionally fulfilling relationships, tax dependents, and the like, let’s get you caught up. Mr. X rocked the fandom harder than a Larry sex tape (Louis Tomlinson + Harry Styles= tru luv) way back in 2012. Various fandom contingents believe that Mr. X is not just one man, but rather a team of super villains a la Pretty Little Liars’ A-team. This Mr. X, who’s either a nefarious band of criminal associates or that one creepy middle school guidance counselor who relates to his students by friending them on Facebook, has a Tumblr that consists entirely of One Direction riddles. Seriously.
Mr. X originally spooked the fandom by predicting some sort of ominous event on December 3, 2012. One Directioners reported that Mr. X was speaking to them through Omegle, and fans predicted that, based on Mr. X’s missives, a band member might come out on the 3rd, or the “Larry Storm” (the truth about the aforementioned tru luv) would finally unleash its fury. Mr. X claimed that he was an inside source, and convinced the fandom when a number of his couple predictions came to fruition, like Haylor (Harry Styles and Taylor Swift) being spotted in public and Payzer (Liam Payne and Danielle Peazer) getting back together. Mr. X paranoia reached a fever pitch at 1D’s December 3 MSG concert, as one particularly ominous riddle seemed to indicate that Harry Styles would be shot, possibly metaphorically, possibly with an arrow.
While there is absolutely no proof of this, Directioners insist that someone in the crowd was arrested with a gun that night—they call her Samantha Xavier, and posit that while Ms. X has been neutralized, the remaining members of the Mr. X team (Mr. W, Mr. Y, and Mr. Z are still at large). All of this intel is courtesy of Tumblr, Twitter, Yahoo! Answers, and that really weird high teenagers get from sniffing Expo markers.
But after three years of relative calm (a lifetime in Omegle years) Mr. X is back, armed with an appetite for destruction and Safaree Samuels’s rhyming dictionary. Basically, one of Mr. X’s most famous riddles/death threats references “a baby unborn”—what One Directioners are calling an uncanny prediction of Louis Tomlinson’s recent baby announcement. A second Mr. X missive is also circling, claiming that “the youngest will die” while also referencing the fabled progeny and a 1D breakup (Zayn Malik recently called off his engagement with Perrie Edwards).
The third prong in this trident of bullshit is an online threat from one @DTAustin21, who was reportedly suspended from Twitter after tweeting “I Made This Account To Let Everyone Know That Harry Styles Will Die, August 5th 2015, At MetLife Stadium,” and claiming that “He Ruined My Little Sister’s Life and He Will Now Pay.” Needless to say, the fandom is thoroughly concerned, and the #HarryBeCareful hashtag is thoroughly lit. The members of the Mr. X team could not be reached for comment at this busy time.