Ivanka Finally Found Her Perfect Quid-Pro-Quo Pals

On Saturday (otherwise known as the Sabbath), the most powerful woman in Trumpworld, the president’s daughter, arrived in the United Arab Emirates to give a speech at the second Global Women’s Forum. As with so many events featuring Ivanka, we learned more about her look than her words. Instead of clips of her speech, we were treated to a strange, gauzy-looking North Korean propaganda video from Voice of America News, which featured Ivanka in a hijab pointing at things and looking at things. 

Toward the end, we are treated to a few shots of a hijab-less Ivanka, and in these we can see her new hair color, which Fox News is very excited about. It’s a new chunky highlight that mirrors her father’s unblended tanner. Arab News describes Ivanka’s perennially dewy skin as “lit-from-within,” which is a funny way to say Botox.  

As with any princess, Ivanka picked a glass slipper (in this case it was plastic but close enough), an $800 clear heel that showed some of her dewy foot skin. She paired these plastic shoes with a “trending color” that looks suspiciously like mustard yellow. Personally, I’m always impressed that someone who has a near-fatless body can spend so much money to look so mediocre.

But The Daily Caller disagreed and sycophanted, “Ivanka’s fashion sense is always on point as has been noted numerous times before,” and then they went slightly more propaganda by calling her weird mustard-colored outfit “jaw-dropping.” I mean, I guess.

But this wasn’t any old “Ivanka Trump fakes feminism by using words “event.” No, Ivanka had a debt to settle, to the tune of $100 million that was donated to her “women’s empowerment fund” by the UAE and Saudi Arabia. Turns out Daddy isn’t the only one in the family who can quid pro quo.   

Besides owning the Saudis and Emiratis, Ivanka is also her father’s global voice in all things woman-related, which makes sense because Ivanka has picked feminism as her brand, just as her brother Junior picked “friend of the alt-right” as his brand.

Being the global feminist voice of an almost entirely male administration headed by a man accused of committing sexual assault more than 23 times is a tricky needle to thread, but Ivanka is able to do it because she is bolstered by a conservative press that focuses largely on her outfits and hair color. 

The theme of this year’s Global Women’s Forum was “The Power of Influence,” and so perhaps it was perfect that the Trump administration sent the president’s daughter, who happens to be the most influential woman in her daddy’s administration, but who also is being influenced by the fact that the people she’s lauding gave her initiative a hundred million dollars.

Saudi and UAE got their $100 million worth, paid in Ivanka corporate double speak: “We know that when women are free to succeed, families thrive, communities flourish, and nations are stronger.” Later in the speech she volunteered the meaningless, “We all need to applaud these achievements and advancements. And yet, we won’t grow complacent because there is still so much more work to be done.”

When Ivanka speaks, it’s always in this weird animatronic corporate McKinsey investment-banking princess speak, which is a stark contrast to her brother’s #MAGA pro-wrestler jargon.

Ivanka went on to praise Saudi Arabia’s “significant reforms.” You know, feminist hot-bed Saudi Arabia, where women’s rights activist Loujain al-Hathloul rots in jail because she “refused an offer of freedom in exchange for recording a videotaped statement testifying that she had not been tortured, her siblings said this week.” But hey, women can drive, so there’s that.  

Of course, the Global Women’s Forum was held in Dubai. You know, Dubai, the place where raped women are occasionally jailed for reporting said rape. And then there was the little problem with the event’s host, Mohammed bin Rashid Al-Maktoum. The ruler’s sixth wife, Haya Bint Hussein, wasn’t there to welcome the event’s participants because she escaped to London in 2019, is “afraid for her life,” and filed a forced-marriage protection order in the family division of the English High Court. She’s not the only woman in Rashid’s life who’s tried to escape him: Two of Al-Maktoum’s daughters have both tried to run away, with limited success. 

So maybe “the power of influence” was actually the perfect theme for this year’s women’s empowerment forum. After all, fake-feminist Ivanka is able to use her women’s global development and prosperity initiative to give her the power of influence. Furthermore, she was empowered to express lots of nice faux-feminist platitudes about Saudi and UAE, and they used “the power of influence” over her to fund her nebulous women’s initiative, and honestly, it’s a pretty good deal for them, having the leader of the “free world’s” daughter extol their “significant reforms.” America under Trump rule may not be the shining city on the hill it once was, but the optics of its most powerful woman praising these two Middle Eastern countries are meaningful.

One has to wonder with the Trumps and the House of Saud if it’s a case of game recognizing game. It’s kind of perfect: The Trump administration has finally found two countries as committed to quid pro quo as they are.