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Jimmy Kimmel Roasts Ted Cruz for Unhinged and Unfunny CPAC Rant

“The Texas blobverse known as Ted Cruz took the stage at CPAC yesterday to wow the crowd with his lively lib owns,” said the late-night host.

This week, Jimmy Kimmel’s given it to “talking dick” Tucker Carlson for defending Russian despot Vladimir Putin on the eve of his invasion of Ukraine and “son of a bitch” ex-president Donald Trump for making the crisis in Ukraine all about himself.

And so, on Friday night, he returned to his favorite punching bag: Ted Cruz.

“The Texas blobverse known as Ted Cruz took the stage at CPAC yesterday to wow the crowd with his lively lib owns,” offered Kimmel.

He then threw to a clip of an unhinged Cruz exclaiming, “They want to destroy you! They want to silence you! They want to subjugate you! Respond with joy. Laugh at them! It drives them bananas! OK, are leftists the least funny people on planet Earth?”

“No, I would say maybe this guy is,” cracked Kimmel, before throwing to a few clips of Cruz trying (and miserably failing) to tell jokes during CPAC, including calling the Orlando setting “it’s not as nice as Cancun” and some nonsense about AOC “telling us she was murdered.”

“Oh, he’s the best. He’s the Last Comic Sweating,” said Kimmel.

EMPTY VOID

Kimmel: Trump a ‘Son of a Bitch’ for Ukraine Comments

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The late-night host ended the monologue by reading a series of CPAC panel names to the crowd and seeing if they thought they were real or fake. The names were “The Moron in Chief,” “Fire Fauci,” “Put Him to Bed, Lock Her Up and Send Her to the Border,” “Lockdowns and Mandates: Now Do You Understand Why We Have a Second Amendment,” and “Drill Dummy Drill.”

They were all real.

“The whole thing is basically a masterclass for people who don’t have any,” said Kimmel.

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