“I don’t know if you know about this new book,” Jimmy Kimmel told his audience Thursday night. “It’s called Fire and Fury.”
Anyone who has paid any attention at all to political news this week knows all about Michael Wolff’s new book and the all-out panic it seems to have created in the White House. Despite the president’s efforts to halt the book’s release, his actions have instead prompted the publisher to move the on-sale date up by four days and driven the book to No. 1 on the Amazon charts.
The cease-and-desist letter that Trump’s lawyers sent to the author and publisher “accuses Michael Wolff of defamation by libel, defamation by libel per se, false light invasion of privacy, tortious interference with contractual relations, and inducement of breach of contract,” Kimmel said, “which are legal terms for ‘Wah, wah, wah, stop saying mean things about me.’”
But of all the “good stuff” in the book, there was one passage that really stood out to Kimmel. And it involved the way Trump reportedly interacts with the wives of his friends.
“Trump liked to say that one of the things that made life worth living was getting your friends’ wives into bed,” Wolff writes. “In pursuing a friend’s wife, he would try to persuade the wife that her husband was perhaps not what she thought. Then he’d have his secretary ask the friend into his office; once the friend arrived, Trump would engage in what was, for him, more or less constant sexual banter. ‘Do you still like having sex with your wife? How often? You must have had a better fuck than your wife? Tell me about it. I have girls coming in from Los Angeles at three o’clock. We can go upstairs and have a great time. I promise…’ All the while, Trump would have his friend’s wife on the speakerphone, listening in.”
Or as Kimmel called it: “Fifty Shades of Orange.”
“No wonder his only friends are Fox & Friends! Who does that to their friends?” Kimmel asked. As for the White House’s assertions that the book is nothing but “fabrication by a tabloid writer,” he added, “Here’s the thing, they let this writer, Michael Wolff, into the White House. He was there all the time. He claims he conducted over 200 interviews.”
“Why did these idiots let him in the White House in the first place?” Kimmel wondered. “That alone indicates poor decision-making.”
Plus, he added, “If you don’t want people to read a book about you, why would you take legal action to try to stop people from reading the book about you? I wasn’t going to buy the book, I was just going to read the excerpts in magazines and move on. But now that Trump’s lawyers are going all-out to try to stop it from being published, I’m buying 20 copies. I can’t buy enough of the books. I’ll buy it for my parents, my in-laws, my cousins. I’m going to walk up and down my block stuffing books into my neighbors’ mailboxes.”
“Threatening the writer with legal action is literally the dumbest move you can make if you want to keep on it the down-low,” he continued. “The book went from No. 48,000 on Amazon straight to No. 1, which is crazy. Unless—and stay with me on this—unless, maybe, Donald Trump really is the great businessman he says he is and he’s getting a cut of the book. Maybe he helped write Fire and Fury.”
“Or more likely, he’s just dumb and everyone around him is dumb.”