When Lindsay Lohan is good, she is very good (see: The Parent Trap, Mean Girls). But when LiLo is bad, she is very, very bad (see: multiple DUIs, numerous rehab stints, irresponsible tanning, failure to complete court-ordered community service, The Canyons, John Mayer). For all our complicity in the sordid celebrity puppy mill that is child stardom, there’s nothing the American public loves more than a redemption story. That’s why we all breathed a collective sigh of relief when Lohan’s life recently took a turn for the tenable. The actress moved to London, got engaged to her 23-year-old millionaire boyfriend, Egor Tarabasov, and appeared to be approaching 30 with the sort of wisdom and insight that can only be gained from three decades of complete and utter mayhem. Gone was the lovable train wreck who documented all of her sexual conquests on a Scattergories answer sheet. Lohan 2.0 watched Downton Abbey, endorsed healthy living, avidly followed Brexit and maintained a close friendship with Rita Ora (because hey, nobody’s perfect).
LiLo fans and traffic cops worldwide credited Lohan’s long-awaited rehabilitation to her new fiancé, Russian rich kid Egor Tarabasov. The son of businessmen Dmitry Tarabasov, the younger Tarabasov owns a semi-shady, one-star real estate company, Home House Estates. Raised in Moscow and currently based in London, Tarabasov’s hobbies include not updating his website and being unavailable for comment. The expat couple met through mutual friends in the summer of 2015, and have been taking turns publishing unctuous Instagrams ever since. On her thirtieth birthday, Lohan and Tarabasov jetted off to Mykonos, accompanied by 70 human guests and their corresponding watercrafts.
While Tarabasov and Lohan probably danced barefoot on the beach, filtered each other’s social media posts, and stayed up all night sharing intimacies and listening to Speak, they definitely didn’t get into a massive screaming fight that ended with Lohan throwing her fiancé’s phone into the ocean. We know that this didn’t happen—despite tabloid reports to the contrary—because LiLo herself reached out to Page Six to set the record straight: “It had to do with my friend throwing his phone case in the water as a joke...because [guests] were making fun of it... People said I personally threw [the] phone, but it’s all not true. It’s a total fabricated lie!”
This solitary piece of gossip was hardly a red flag for Tarabasov and Lohan’s relationship—it would take about five more water-logged cellphones and a sabotaged wedding to even qualify on the Lindsay Lohan meltdown barometer. Unfortunately, in retrospect, this lovers’ spat may have paved the way for more serious reports to come.
Early Sunday Lohan blasted out a troubling Tweet storm, starting by sharing a picture of her and her fiancé in happier times, captioned, “I guess I was the same at 23…shitty time — it changes at 26/27 @e2505t thanks for not coming home tonight. Fame changes people.” From there, the Herbie: Fully Loaded star shared a link to the trailer for her 2009 movie Labor Pains, accompanied by some big news: “I am pregnant!!” But the potentially knocked-up actress’s ratchet birth announcement was the least of her worries. Lohan proceeded to post multiple photos of Tarabasov at the club, in which she accused him of cheating with an adjacent blonde, writing, “wow thanks #fiance with Russian hooker @dasha_pa5h.”
The Russian lady who had the gall to stand sort of near Egor Tarabasov was actually Dasha Pashevkina, a fashion designer and (ex?) friend of the couple who has often featured Lohan on her personal Instagram. Lindsay’s one-sided Cold War culminated in a snap of Pashevkina’s contact information, which Lohan shared to her entire Instagram following. In addition to a random woman’s UK address and private email, Lohan fans also got this: “It’s legal if you’re selling yourself and not a Russian from #moscow right my baby @e2505t but with this action in the morning j mah have to say — ignore the shit the most beautiful women are the ones that beg you to stay sane.” On the scale of confusing things that Lindsay Lohan has done, this lands somewhere between Lindsay Lohan’s Indian Journey, a BBC documentary about human trafficking in India, and her year-long relationship with Wilmer Valderrama.
Luckily, the world’s no. 1 dad/Us Weekly source Michael Lohan was conveniently ready with a hot take on his daughter’s latest antics. Lohan, who claims to be in constant contact with his daughter, definitely didn’t betray that trust by telling the tabloid that he believes Lindsay’s cheating accusations, adding, “I don't know what their relationship is like. Relationships take twists and turns, what are you going to do?” While Michael Lohan was taking interviews, The Sun got their hands on some very disturbing footage from Lindsay Lohan’s London apartment on early Saturday. According to The Sun, Lohan’s neighbors awoke at 5 a.m. to a balcony blowout. “Please, please, please,” Lindsay shouted. “He just strangled me. He almost killed me. Everybody will know. Get out of my house.”
“I’m done,” she added. “I don’t love you anymore. You tried to kill me. You’re a fucking psycho. We are finished…No Egor you’ve been strangling me constantly. You can’t strangle a woman constantly and beat the shit out of her and think it’s OK. Everybody saw you touch me. It’s filmed. Get out! Get out.” Witnesses allege that Tarabasov looked like he was trying to calm Lohan down. Officers responding to a report of a “woman in distress” arrived to a surprisingly tranquil scene. According to a police spokesperson, “There was no one inside but enquiries were made and the occupants were traced and found to be safe and well.” On Monday morning, Lohan was snapped leaving her apartment and heading alone for Heathrow. She also Instagrammed a plea for privacy, writing, “Unfortunately, a private matter has become more public than I can control and I would be extremely grateful if my fiancé and myself could discuss our personal matters on our own.” Godspeed, LiLo.