Mayor: I Was Sexually Accosted by Hispanic Girls

Jersey City’s mayor, Jerramiah Healy, was photographed naked and passed out on his front porch shortly before the 2004 mayoral election. Saying he was too drunk at the time to remember, he won anyway. But, wait, it gets better. Now that he is in a tight race for reelection he inexplicably revived the evening in yesterday’s Star Ledger with a new explanation: investigating a noise at 2 in the morning wrapped in a towel, Hizzoner says that “three Hispanic girls” ripped off the towel and proceeded to do “filthy” things. A rally is planned at city hall with an incensed Hispanic community looking for an apology. Healy, who last made national news resisting arrest after becoming involved in a bar scuffle at the Jersey Shore, probably should have stuck with the original “too drunk” excuse. It worked for Reese Witherspoon, anyway.