The beleaguered Treasury secretary knew the meltdown from the inside out, but still won few friends—and multiple people called for his resignation. He is ending 2009 in a reflective and defensive mode, saying all banks would have failed without the massive bailout and an end to banking executives’ high bonuses is near. Oh Timmy, that’s what all Weenies say.
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While announcing her resignation, the former governor appeared to be telling the truth—as a true Monster would—about the reason she wasn’t seeking reelection. After her lucrative deal for a blockbuster tome that revealed much about others but little about herself, Palin’s quest for transparency no longer seemed genuine, but her charisma keeps her fans hanging on her every move.
Phil Sandlin/AP Photo
The California governor was a tax-reducing, budget-cutting, government-slaying Monster, but the massive deficit in the Golden State dissolved his puffed-up stature to his essential sponginess overnight.
(Gallery compiled by Kara Cutruzzula and Maureen O'Connor)
The South Carolina senator leapt to action in the wake of Christmas’ attempted terrorist attack—and used it to indict Obama for wanting “to appease terrorists.” He continued: “They’re gonna keep coming after us.” Then he had the gall to complain that the Obama administration was politicizing national security—while making the suspiciously political move of blocking Obama’s TSA chief nominee despite him being perfectly “qualified.”
Scott J. Ferrell, Congressional Quarterly / Getty Images
The moderate Maine senator’s simpering, neurotic desire for reform was an attempt at rationality—but without an objective for real change, Snowe’s flip-flopping made her a blip during the waning months of the year.
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CNN’s longtime warrior against immigration and all things foreign sunk to the challenge of impugning America’s first black president, jumping on the “birther” bandwagon and demanding to see Obama’s birth certificate, even as independent fact-checking organizations and his own news network disproved the birthers time and again.
Karen Bleier, AFP / Getty Images
The self-righteous couple who gatecrashed Obama’s first State Dinner was surprisingly out in the open about their underhanded moves. Facebook photos aren’t exactly hush-hush, and the arrogance that they wouldn’t be found out classifies Michaele and Tareq as true Weenies.
Gerald Herbert / AP Photo
He attained a Democratic majority in Congress only by bringing in a band of conservative Democrats who water down every progressive initiative, yet thinks a Pyrrhic victory deserves a parade down Fifth Avenue. For this reason, Obama’s chief of staff is a Weenie-fied Monster.
Haraz N. Ghanbari / AP Photo
Forget the tiny snafu of nominating his girlfriend to a U.S. Attorney slot. The Finance Committee chair’s true Weenie-hood comes from his concessions to the GOP after innumerable closed-door meetings over his health-care bill—and how little it resembles his first vision.
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Every time you cut off one head, two grow in its place. He left the White House in a wheelchair, but former Vice President Dick Cheney is back in the public eye, saying President Obama is inviting terrorist attacks and sending his kin on revenge missions that bear greater resemblance to the Furies of Oresteia than modern politics.
Toby Jorrin / AP Photo
A Weenie’s unforgivable crime is having a secret—thus, he repeatedly falls to scandal. Mark Sanford’s confession and apology for lying to the public and having an Argentinean mistress thrust him into the public eye, and the South Carolina governor became a true character only in retreat.
Mary Ann Chastin / AP Photo
It’s not the first time a Texas leader has attempted to go it alone—but it is the first time in recent memory that one has made treasonous statements before a cheering, Lone Star banner-waving crowd. At an anti-tax tea party in April, Perry said, “We’ve got a great union. There’s absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what might come out of that? But Texas is a very unique place, and we’re a pretty independent lot to boot.”
Pat Sullivan / AP Photo
The pack of Democratic senators who hedged on the health-care vote are holding fast to their final bill and warning the House not to stray too far from their version. But, as with most eager-to-please pols, the nervous Nellies seem less to be acting on principle than on fears manipulated by the specter of midterm elections in 2010.
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The Florida congressman became a larger-than-life hero to the left—and Monsters everywhere—when he bluntly summarized the Republican health-care plan as “don’t get sick” or “die quickly.”
Mark Wilson / Getty Images
One day after his swearing-in as New York’s governor, David Paterson admitted to having extramarital affairs, and his preemptive confession made him look not only sneaky (one of the Weenies’ defining traits) but sneaky about admitting his sneakiness. Mucking up his Senate appointment by retracting his support of Caroline Kennedy—and then lying about it—was another one of his many underhanded and dithering moves.
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From calling Obama racist to comparing Tiger Woods and O.J. to promoting investing in gold on his show (which is sponsored by Goldline), most actions by the Fox News host this year could be deemed monstrous. By speaking his mind, Beck appears to have no secrets, epitomizing a Monster’s talent to draw in followers by sharing what he’s thinking.
Philadelphia Inquirer, MCT / Landov
Maniacally driven by his convictions, Senator Lieberman threatened to filibuster health-care reform if it included the proposed expansion of Medicare. In the way he combines the Monster’s flaunted amorality and the Weenie’s secretive, purchased air, this Regular Joe became a caricature of himself.
Mark Wilson / Getty Images
In September 2009, when the South Carolina politician interrupted President Obama’s speech to the Congress with an intense cry of “You lie!” the Monsters movement was crystallized. In one instant the Republican representative captured the two primo Monster qualities: strong, almost deranging feeling and absolute transparency of state of mind.
Chip Somodevilla / Getty Images
He defrauded thousands and didn’t blink an eye. The brain behind the world’s largest Ponzi scheme in history was this year’s ultimate megalomaniac—yet his secretive double life and detachment from guilt makes him a Weenie. One serving 150 years, but a Weenie nonetheless.
Shannon Stapleton/Reuters/Landov
Centrist Democrat Bart Stupak introduced an antiabortion amendment to the House health-care bill. It got shot down. Unwilling to take “no” for an answer, however, Stupak worked with pro-life groups to introduce a near identical amendment, then exported his fight to the Senate, transforming a compromise-minded Ben Nelson into an obstructer.
Alex Wong / Getty Images
Monster to his enemies, Weenie to a growing number of his supporters, Obama seems on the surface to be the perfect synthesis of the two types. He declares his intentions like a true Monster of explicitness, but withdraws and compromises without end like a Weenie who just wants to be liked. He’s an activist like a Monster but reflective and hesitant like a Weenie. He’s all things to all people—and unclassifiable.
The search engine still controls 65 percent of the market share, but Google had a downer of a year, beginning with layoffs for the first time ever. Its much-heralded Chrome browser and new Android operating systems helped it rebound, but Google’s battle with the government over its book search settlement and news that Facebook’s traffic surpassed Google’s for the first time ever on Christmas Day could spell a rough new year.
Jens Meyer / AP Photo
