My $295 Skype Exorcism

Bob Larson furrowed his brows at the screen. He’d been commanding my demon to tell him its name for about five minutes, and it hadn’t made a peep. “I torment you!” he said, for the fourth time, thrusting a silver cross at my head. He held it there, not breathing, waiting for the demon to say something. Nothing. He finally moved the cross out of the view of his webcam and grabbed a small, clear vial.

“I think I’m gonna use a little more oil.”

Once upon a time in ancient Jordan, Jesus and his apostles came across a man who lived in the caves outside of town. The man was possessed by an evil spirit, a demon strong enough to break any chains and tear any shackles. Day and night, the man haunted the caves with his screams, cutting himself with stones until he bled. Upon seeing Jesus, the man pleaded, in God’s name, for Jesus not to torture him.