This week:
- The Beckham family dirty laundry aired in front of the entire world.
- A devastating change to my favorite TV show.
- Getting real about what an Oscar win means.
- Bonding over crying about everything.
- And, like clockwork, crying about something new.
Dance Like the World Is Watching
There are great, unsolvable mysteries of the universe: Are we the only living creatures out there? How were the pyramids made? What caused the Big Bang?
Now, there’s another query, perhaps the most mystifying one of them all: What the hell kind of dance did Posh Spice do at her son’s wedding to cause all this?
“All this” would be the kind of airing of dirty laundry and family drama that is rarely seen from celebrities and famouses.
For months, there have been whispers of discord between Victoria and David Beckham and their oldest son, Brooklyn, and his wife, Nicola Peltz. But that’s all it really amounted to for us peians who obsess over hushed, unsubstantiable gossip: juicy rumors to obsess over, if you’re into that celebrity tabloid kind of thing.
But now it’s not just whispers in the shadows. It is screaming in the spotlight, with Brooklyn whipping back the curtain and conducting his own Instagram tell-all.
“I have been silent for years and made every effort to keep these matters private,” he wrote. “Unfortunately, my parents and their team have continued to go to the press, leaving me with no choice but to speak for myself and tell the truth about some of the lies that have been printed.”
It seems that the issues stem from Brooklyn and Nicola’s 2022 wedding, where, among other things, Victoria allegedly pulled out of designing Nicola’s gown at the eleventh hour, Victoria called the couple “evil” over the seating plans, his parents pressured to bribe him to sign away the rights to his name, and David rebuffed Brooklyn’s attempts to reconcile unless it was in public.
Then there’s the mortal sin, the thing that Brooklyn has not been able to and, now, I will not be able to get over: Victoria hijacking the first dance at the wedding, and pulling out some apparently heinous move that was so embarrassing that we’re now speculating about it.
“In front of our 500 wedding guests, Marc Anthony called me to the stage, where in the schedule was planned to be my romantic dance with my wife but instead my mum was waiting to dance with me,” Brooklyn wrote. “She danced very inappropriately on me in front of everyone. I’ve never felt more uncomfortable or humiliated in my entire life.”
Never more uncomfortable or humiliated? Never??? Look, Posh was always notorious for being the weakest dancer in the Spice Girls, but this is another level. What in the name of Geri Halliwell did she do?
I’m truly trying to imagine what she did that was so inappropriate—to an extreme that this kid has turned it into international news.
Was she grinding on him? Twerking? Doing the sprinkler and the cabbage patch?
Or was it inappropriate, not in a “too sexy” way, but in a “wedding guests should never have been forced to bear witness to such a gangly, gawky display of couture contorting”? Dear God, did Victoria do Gangnam Style?
Some clarification has surfaced.
The wedding DJ, DJ Fat Tony (love that he is now a character in all of this), said. “There was no slutdropping, there was no black cat PVC catsuits, there was no Spice Girl action.” Phew. What there was, however, was awkward attention-stealing. Everyone, including the newlyweds themselves, assumed that they would be the night’s first dance, to a song performed by Marc Anthony. Instead, Victoria took the spotlight.
“They do this dance and Marc Anthony’s going, ‘Put your hands on your mother’s hips’. It was a Latin thing,” DJ Fat Tony explained.
That’s quite an image.
The people of the internet, as is their wont, have been hilarious all week, posting memes of what they imagined Victoria’s scandalous moves might have been. Here are some of my favorites:
In any case, I’m living for all this family drama, because PR crisis deflection strategy is going to get us a Spice Girls reunion at the Sphere.
The Soggiest Bottom of News
There are so few things that I consider genuinely nice, that I cherish because it is so authentically earnest. The Great British Baking Show is one of those things.
When the show is on, for an hour each week, we get to escape the real world for the baking tent, where amateur bakers are just trying their darnest to get a rise on their doughs while the show’s hosts and judges mill around, cracking jokes about frangiapan.
Prue Leith, the British dame who has served as a judge on the show for the last nine years, announced she is stepping down. “Now feels like the right time to step back (I’m 86 for goodness sake!), there’s so much I’d like to do, not least spend summers enjoying my garden,” she wrote on Instagram. Prue, you’re 86?! Drop the skincare routine, queen.
I don’t begrudge Prue for wanting to live her life. But it does give me small pangs of sadness to know that I won’t be delighting in her outrageous statement jewelry, colorful eyeglasses, and sheer enthusiasm for the bakers she’s not so much judging as she is cheering on with an expert eye.
Getting Honest About Awards
Melissa Leo, who won Best Supporting Actress in 2011 for her work in The Fighter, gave an interview where she said, “Winning an Oscar has not been good for me or my career. I didn’t dream of it, I never wanted it and I had a much better career before I won.”
It’s an interesting perspective! People should be candid about what winning these awards actually means to them and the opportunities they do or don’t get. That said… “I didn’t dream of it.” “I never wanted it.” By all means, let’s get real about awards, but, ma’am, let’s not pretend that you weren’t out there self-funding your own Oscar campaign photo shoot.
In fact, I interviewed Leo in 2017, and we spoke about taking her Oscar campaign into her own hands:
“It was a moment in this actor’s life, where when a publicist couldn’t get me a glossy cover of a magazine I discovered that I could pay for it myself and get it in Variety and The Hollywood Reporter,” she said.
“By the time it came about and the choices had been made, I wasn’t happy with too much of it,” she added. “I don’t regret that I did it. I do feel that it was misunderstood. I didn’t say on it purposefully ‘For Your Consideration.’ I said ‘consider,’ and what I was asking people to consider was Melissa Leo. Melissa Leo could put makeup on and have her hair all floofy and put fancy clothing on. I could do that kind of part, too. I didn’t have to play mean, old, bedraggled characters.”
Then she laughed: “I’m still waiting for the offer.”
This Is Exactly What Happened to Me
Francois Arnaud was on Watch With Happens Live with Andy Cohen, and during a rapid-fire “pillow talk” section, Cohen asked Arnaud when the last time he cried was.
“Oh, I cry every day, all the time,” he said, laughing. “I’m a big crier. I didn’t cry up until I was like 25, and then I just started then and having stopped.”
That’s what happened to me. I was stone-cold, unfeeling b---h until my late twenties, and then it was like someone flipped a switch that opened a dam in my tear ducts.
I’m already hydrating for the Olympics next month. Not because I’ll be competing. But because I’ll be crying every time one of those athletes does something inspiring. And the medal ceremonies? Forget it. I’m inconsolable.
This Is Just Sweet
And on the topic of things that made me immediately tear up, this clip of Rachel McAdams, one of the truly flawless celebrities we have, receiving her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and taking the time to thank and acknowledge her family.
I’m crying again.
More From The Daily Beast’s Obsessed
I interviewed The Bear star Matty Matheson, whose new Netflix series may be the wildest cooking show ever. Read more.
Sundance’s funniest film is a documentary about…concrete? Read more.
I broke down all the biggest Oscar nomination snubs and surprises. Read more.
What to Watch This Week:
Wonder Man: There’s finally a superhero series for viewers who don’t like superheroes. (Tues. on Disney+)
Just a Dash: Matty Matheson is a hilarious, unhinged cooking-show host. (Now on Netflix)
The Beauty: Ryan Murphy’s Ozempic fever dream is compulsively watchable. (Now on FX)
What to Skip This Week:
Mercy: The worst movie of the year is here—and it’s only January. (Now in theaters)
