CrosswordNewsletters
DAILY BEAST
ALL
  • Cheat Sheet
  • Politics
  • Crime
  • Entertainment
  • Media
  • World
  • Innovation
  • U.S. News
  • Scouted
  • Travel
CHEAT SHEET
    POLITICS
    • Fever Dreams
    • Biden World
    • Elections
    • Opinion
    • National Security
    • Congress
    • Pay Dirt
    • The New Abnormal
    • Right Richter
    • Trumpland
    MEDIA
    • Confider
    • Daytime Talk
    • Late-Night
    • Fox News
    U.S. NEWS
    • Identities
    • Crime
    • Race
    • LGBT
    • Extremism
    • Coronavirus
    WORLD
    • Russia
    • Europe
    • China
    • Middle East
    INNOVATION
    • Science
    TRAVEL
      ENTERTAINMENT
      • TV
      • Movies
      • Music
      • Comedy
      • Sports
      • Sex
      • TDBs Obsessed
      • Awards Shows
      • The Last Laugh
      FOOD & BEVERAGE
        CULTURE
        • Power Trip
        • Fashion
        • Books
        • Royalist
        TECH
        • Disinformation
        SCOUTED
        • Clothing
        • Technology
        • Beauty
        • Home
        • Pets
        • Kitchen
        • Fitness
        • I'm Looking For
        BEST PICKS
        • Best VPNs
        • Best Gaming PCs
        • Best Air Fryers
        COUPONS
        • Vistaprint Coupons
        • Ulta Coupons
        • Office Depot Coupons
        • Adidas Promo Codes
        • Walmart Promo Codes
        • H&M Coupons
        • Spanx Promo Codes
        • StubHub Promo Codes
        Products
        NewslettersPodcastsCrosswordsSubscription
        FOLLOW US
        GOT A TIP?

        SEARCH

        HOMEPAGE
        Entertainment

        Samantha Bee Mocks the RNC Crazy, Slams Mike Pence’s Anti-Woman Crusade

        GET READY

        The ‘Full Frontal’ host kicked off GOP convention week with a full preview of the chaos to come and a look at the anti-woman record of Donald Trump’s running mate.

        Matt Wilstein

        Senior Writer

        Updated Apr. 13, 2017 3:26PM ET / Published Jul. 18, 2016 11:42PM ET 

        Samantha Bee could not have returned from her summer vacation soon enough. On night one of the GOP convention, the Full Frontal host wasn’t in Cleveland yet—you will have to wait for a special episode airing Wednesday—and was still safely in her New York studio.

        For anyone who spent the previous few hours watching the likes of Antonio Sabato, Jr., Rudy Giuliani, and the mother of a Benghazi victim who shouted, “Hillary for Prison!” to end her speech, Bee’s comedic perspective was a welcome respite from the RNC crazy.

        Bee offered up a full preview of what we can expect from the convention this week, including the “bizarre made-up bullshit” excuses prominent figures are using to skip the event altogether. For instance, Trump said Sarah Palin couldn’t make it because Alaska is too far away.

        “You do know about airplanes, right?” Bee asked. “You know they can be used for other things besides slaughtering wolves from the sky?” She added, “How messed up must the Republican convention be if Sarah Palin won’t attend?” But at least “mega-star” Scott Baio would be there, “making this the second time he’s watched helplessly as someone jumps the shark.”

        Bee also called “bullshit” on Trump’s assertion that Mike Pence was his “first choice” for vice presidential candidate, laughing as she said, “Truth is, after failing to convince his children to let him pick the concept of ‘tits’ as his running mate, Trump spent an agonizing week trying to decide between the “Republican Littlefinger”—Newt Gingrich—“and, I guess, Roger Sterling during an allergy attack.”

        “He also thought it was funny to let Chris Christie think he still had a shot,” the host joked. As Bee put it, “after days of leaks, tweets, dittering, dickering, and generally impressing everyone with his presidential decisiveness,” Trump finally settled on Pence. But not before he gave a rambling 20-minute-plus speech as an introduction to his new “partner.”

        “Who is Mike Pence?” Bee (and the rest of America) asked. “If you’re a lady Hoosier, you may recognize him as the governor who inspected your reproductive organs every 30 days to make sure you weren’t using them in ways that would make Jesus sad.”

        “Among his greatest hits, Pence signed a law requiring funerals for fetuses after an abortion or miscarriage,” Bee continued. “The law was blocked by a federal judge, but not before Pence had closed down every abortion clinic not equipped with a full complement of funeral bagpipers, you know, for the woman’s safety. In that state, having a miscarriage could land you in jail for 20 years, so if you’re driving through Indiana and the contractions start, cross your legs and don’t stop till you’re in Chicago!”

        Bee ended by congratulating Indiana for “getting rid of one of the worst governors you’ve ever had.” But she had bad news for New Jersey: “You were this close.”

        READ THIS LIST

        DAILY BEAST
        • Cheat Sheet
        • Politics
        • Crime
        • Entertainment
        • Media
        • World
        • Innovation
        • U.S. News
        • Scouted
        • Travel
        • Subscription
        • Crossword
        • Newsletters
        • Podcasts
        • About
        • Contact
        • Tips
        • Jobs
        • Advertise
        • Help
        • Privacy
        • Code of Ethics & Standards
        • Diversity
        • Terms & Conditions
        • Copyright & Trademark
        • Sitemap
        • Best Picks
        • Coupons:
        • Coupons:
        • Dick's Sporting Goods Coupons
        • HP Coupon Codes
        • Chewy Promo Codes
        • Nordstrom Rack Coupons
        • NordVPN Coupons
        • JCPenny Coupons
        • Nordstrom Coupons
        • Samsung Promo Coupons
        • Home Depot Coupons
        • Hotwire Promo Codes
        • eBay Coupons
        • Ashley Furniture Promo Codes
        © 2022 The Daily Beast Company LLC