Donald Trump’s inauguration may seem like it happened months ago at this point, but Wednesday night was Samantha Bee’s first opportunity to weigh in on the lightly-attended affair, and she was not going to pass it up.
As Bee put it, America watched “the concept of white male mediocrity” be sworn is as its 45th president this past Friday. “Oh yeah, it really happened,” she said. “Donald Trump laid his little pussy-grabbing paw on top of two more books than he’s ever read in his life and spoke the most solemn vow he’s uttered since his third wedding.”
Bee insisted that she doesn’t think Trump is literally Hitler, but she does think that “Goldman Sachs wormtongue” Steve Bannon is filling his mouth with “more Nazi code than Enigma.” She added that Trump delivered his “morning in dystopia” speech to a Washington mall that “had more empty white space than the Republican plan to replace Obamacare,” which apparently drudged up some “painful memories” for the new president.
“The whole day was swollen with lugubrious pomp and freighted with menace that left a lot of us feeling like we’d just installed Trump Emperor of Dune,” Bee said. “It was surreal, and frankly, not very funny.”
Fortunately, Bee had something much funnier to talk about: the disastrous welcome concert that came the day before, which was “surreal and fucking hilarious.”
“Trump’s concert was like his cabinet,” Bee said. “Male, overwhelmingly white, and devoid of any A-list talent.”
“So far this week, our new overlord has torn up treaties, taken the first steps toward a Muslim ban, ordered the construction of his dumb-ass wall and threatened to invade Chicago like his own little Crimea,” the host concluded. The only thing that was giving her comfort in this moment was the knowledge that the president “could only get 3 Doors Down to play at his inauguration.”