‘Saturday Night Live’ Mocks Trump’s Dick, Cruz’s Booger, and Romney’s Delusion

In this week’s cold open, 'Saturday Night Live' attempted to catch viewers up on every insane political story from the past two weeks.

After taking last week off, Saturday Night Live could have opened with any number of insane political stories that happened over the past 14 days, so they decided to go with all of them. The show opened with Chris Christie’s “sad, desperate” endorsement of Donald Trump.

“I really am running the best campaign, aren’t I?” Darrell Hammond’s Donald Trump asked. “They say they haven’t seen anything like this, not since Germany in the 1930s.”

“Everyone loves me, I even got this fat piece of crap behind me now, isn’t that right, Chris?” he asked an increasingly uncomfortable Christie, who replied, “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Please sir, may I have another.”

“P.S., America, I have a great big huge dick,” Trump added.

And even though it was almost definitely going to be “boring,” they quickly pivoted to the Democratic race and Hillary Clinton’s most recent victory speech.

“To everyone who voted for me, thank you for trusting that I, Hillary Clinton, can bring this country together just like I brought these 10 black people and one Muslim person together behind me tonight for this stage,” Clinton told an adoring crowd.

Next up, we got an interview with Ted Cruz’s full face, “viewer-discretion advised,” who discussed Thursday’s “craze-balls” GOP debate. “Oh, yes. The debate was so much fun,” Taran Killam’s Cruz said. “I talked policy, I laid out my plan for America. And right at the end, I ate a tiny little white booger off my lip.”

And finally, with Mitt Romney back in the news, SNL brought us the return of Jason Sudeikis. “That’s right, America, I’m back,” he said. “You didn’t ask for it, but you’ve got it.”

“For the last nine months, I’ve sat down and watched Donald Trump say something every day that was either racist or sexist,” he continued. “And we in the GOP, the party of the great Ronald Reagan, we do not say racist and sexist things. We imply them, over decades and decades of policies.”

But asked if he thought his comments would have any effect whatsoever on the Trump campaign, Romney said no, adding, “Honestly, I would assume it probably helped him.”