Skymall is filing for bankruptcy today, leaving a warehouse full of products that make your life worse while somehow managing to cost hundreds of dollars. Here are some of those things.
We'll miss them?
Spend $30 to straddle the Pringles Man. ($29.99)
Are you sick of your cat? Just feed it to this Litter Robot! It has already intimidated the police into not filing charges. ($340-$360, depending on your local precinct.)
Have all of the good parts of bacon (smell, taste, price relative to next incredible meat) violently ripped from your hands as you lay on a pillow that looks like the torso of an inside-out body. ($20)
For the man in your life who is so hopelessly addicted to Star Wars he can't even eat bread without having the movie's emblem emblazoned on it, this toaster/hat thing is considerably cheaper than even one round of therapy. ($45)
This eye massager was Oculus Rift before Oculus Rift, if Oculus Rift's only function was to gently punch you in the eyebrow and make you very sweaty. Try it while you're driving. ($99)
Spend an exorbitant amount of money to watch Flipper in the forest. ($299)
Recreational Monofins, Eddie Vedder's first band, is now available for home purchase. ($50-90, depending on size of hooves.)
Skymall's innovative new technology allows its Robotic Sculpture Machines (RSMs) to capture how your grandfather pictures every memorable U.S. President in his head and then immediately print it as a cast iron statue. ($0.49-$6.95, depending on how racist.)
Use this handy replica phone receiver to bludgeon yourself to poverty, or at least until you start spending money appropriately. ($14)
Re-enact the world's cutest Godzilla movie by having your dog sleep, stomp and vomit all over the grounds of your least favorite college. ($70-$90)
Because nature is just too beautiful, we must add things like this to trees now. ($24)
Who even knows. ($30)
