This week’s Saturday Night Live opened with a very special episode of “Cruz Street,” in which Aidy Bryant’s Ted Cruz used his new platform on “Newsmax Kids” to continue his bizarre war against Big Bird.
“Hello, I’m Texas senator and last one invited to Thanksgiving, Ted Cruz,” he began. “Now, for 50 years, I stood by as Sesame Street taught our children dangerous ideas, like numbers and kindness. But when Big Bird told children to get vaccinated against a deadly disease, I said, ‘enough’ and I created my own Sesame Street called ‘Cruz Street.’ It’s a gated community where kids are safe from the woke government.”
After a group of children sang the show’s theme song—“Cruzy days, sweeping the libs away”—Cruz was joined by Cecily Strong’s Marjorie Taylor Greene, who was “just taking a break from releasing the phone numbers of Republicans who voted for the infrastructure bill so they and their families get death threats” to ask kids if they “want to hold an AR-15.” When one of them said he’d better not, she shot back, “Pussy!”
“Now, as you know, I was mocked for attacking Big Bird on Twitter, simply because I’m a human senator and he is an 8-foot-tall fictional bird,” Cruz added. “But let’s see what happened to Big Bird after he got the vaccine.”
With that, he was joined by Kyle Mooney’s bootleg Big Bird, who wasn’t feeling too well. “My feathers fell out, my nuts got huge and my doink don’t work!” he complained to Cruz. “Maybe the vaccine gave me COVID!”
Next up came Pete Davidson as the show’s “resident medical expert” Joe Rogan, who offered Big Bird some of his “horse medicine.” Asked why a bird would take medicine meant for a horse, Rogan replied, “Well, I’m a human and I took horse medicine. And speaking of things that are horse-like, today’s other two sponsors are the letters S and D, as in, I could S my own D.”
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