Saturday Night Live had no choice but to open its first episode of 2017 with a recreation of Donald Trump’s first press conference as president-elect. And Alec Baldwin was more than happy to channel Trump’s hostility towards the media.
“I would like to start by answering the question that’s on everyone’s mind,” Baldwin’s Trump began, a pile of prop folders to his right. “Yes, this is real life. This is really happening.” He confirmed that he will actually become the 45th president of the United States on January 20. “And then two months later, Mike Pence will become the 46th.”
The president-elect went on to announce some of the “biggest performers in the world” who will be appearing as part of his inauguration. “Hold onto your tits and bits because we’ve got 3 Doors Down,” he said. “Also from America’s Got Talent we’ve got Jackie what’s-her-face. And best of all we’ve got the one Rockette with the least money in her savings.”
The first question for Trump was, naturally, about his “big Russian pee-pee party.” Another that seemed to be about the Supreme Court similarly devolved into distraction. “Did you guys, like, all pee or just watch them pee?” a reporter asked.
But Trump only wanted to talk about jobs. “I am going to bring back a thick stream of jobs back to this country,” he said. “The biggest, strongest, steadiest stream you’ve ever seen. This country will be literally showered with jobs. Because I am a major wiz at jobs. It will be a golden opportunity for me as president to make a big splash. I know you’re in. How about you? You’re in? You’re in? You’re in?”
Later, Trump addressed his various conflicts of interest, telling the press that he’s handing over his business to his two sons, “Beavis and Butthead,” adding, “Look at those two little American psychos. You can tell they’re good businessmen because of how slicked back their hair is.”
As much as Trump claimed to “love” and “respect” the press, things took a turn when someone from BuzzFeed rose to ask a question. “Not you, BuzzFeed. You’re a failing pile of garbage. And you want to know why? I took your quiz and I’ll tell you right now, I’m not a Joey, I’m a Rachel.”
As for CNN’s Jim Acosta, Trump refused him as well, saying, “You’re overrated, fake news! I tried watching your network last night and there was just some crazy blonde woman spouting lies.” Informed that that was Kellyanne Conway, he added, “God, I love Kellyanne, everyday it looks like she does the ice bucket challenge with her makeup.”
From there, SNL’s Trump proceeded to hand over his press conference briefly to comedian Steve Harvey and take one final question about who really hacked the DNC—from a shirtless Vladimir Putin claiming to be Wolf Blitzer. “It was China, I mean, Canada. It was Meryl Streep,” Trump flailed. “OK, this press conference is over. Thank you all for peeing here, I mean for pissing here, I mean for being here.”
In other words, it was only slightly more insane than the real thing.