‘FAKE NEWS, REAL PRISON’

Stephen Colbert Calls for a ‘New Election’ After Russian Hacking Reveal

‘Who really knows who won November 8th now?’ the ‘Late Show’ host asked. ‘I mean, other than Vladimir Putin.’

As the American people—and CNN’s countdown clock—eagerly await former FBI Director James Comey’s congressional testimony, this week saw yet another bombshell in the investigation into Russia’s alleged attempts to install Donald Trump as president. According to documents leaked by a former NSA contractor to The Intercept, Russia may have successfully gained access to computers at voting software companies just days before the election.

“Days before?” Stephen Colbert said during his Late Show monologue. “Come on, Guccifer, that’s poor planning. You can’t leave your hacking to last minute. Put some thought into it. No one wants an election you just picked up at Walgreens.”

“Who really knows who won November 8th now?” the host asked. “I mean, other than Vladimir Putin.”

“I’m a little rusty on my Constitution, but I guess that means new election?” the host suggested to cheers from his audience. “Now, all along, Donald Trump has said the entire Russia story is ‘fake news,’” Colbert continued. “And there is no way to know whether this document that was released is real. Other than the fact that the leaker was immediately arrested.” He imagined Trump declaring, “Fake news, real prison.”

Like the rest of the country, Colbert couldn’t quite believe that the 25-year-old whistleblower who aimed to bring down our reality-show president is actually named Reality Winner. “So it’s official,” he said. “The Trump administration is at war with Reality.”

“Now the evidence that Russia tried to manipulate the election is pretty strong, to everyone but the guy who did it, Vladimir Putin,” Colbert added later, before playing a clip from the Russian president’s interview with Megyn Kelly.

“When it came to who really was behind the election tampering, Putin’s explanation relied on what’s called Occam’s Razor, because the whole thing makes me want to cut my wrists.”

In the interview, Putin used questions surrounding the Kennedy assassination to suggest that U.S. intelligence had framed Russia for hacking the election. “Nice try, Vlad, but I will not stand by while you try to confuse the American people with bullshit conspiracy theories,” Colbert said. “That is Donald Trump’s job!”