Stephen Colbert Unloads on Matt Lauer: ‘What a Dick’

Stephen Colbert came back Wednesday from an extended Thanksgiving break ready to resume hammering President Donald Trump. But first, he had a few things to say about fired Today show host Matt Lauer.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Late Show. I’m your host, Stephen Colbert,” he began. “I am one of the few men still allowed on television.”

“According to the chairman of NBC News, Lauer was fired due to ‘inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace,’” he added. “Not to be confused with ‘appropriate’ sexual behavior in the workplace. Because that does not exist.”

After looking at an array of Lauer’s drag Halloween costumes, Colbert said, “I think he could have been fired for sexually harassing himself.”

Among Lauer’s reported indiscretions was a sex toy he gifted a female co-worker, along with note explaining how he wanted her to use it. “It’s bad enough that he gave her a sex toy, but he also gave instructions?” Colbert asked. “He found a way to mansplain sexual harassment!” On another occasion he allegedly showed his penis to another colleague. “I’m going to say what that woman honestly could not at the moment: ‘What a dick.’”

The host then played a clip of Katie Couric’s 2012 appearance on Watch What Happens Live! with Andy Cohen during which she revealed Lauer liked to “pinch [her] ass.” “Well, that certainly explains their old recurring segment, ‘Where in the World Are Matt Lauer’s Hands?’”

Finally, Colbert also took Donald Trump to task for his unhinged reaction to the Lauer news, in which he asked, “When will the top executives at NBC & Comcast be fired for putting out so much Fake News?”

“By ‘fake news,’ do you mean more than a dozen women have accused Trump of improper conduct or sexual assault?” Colbert asked. “Listen up! You don’t get to comment. That is the pot calling the kettle up at 3 a.m. and asking what she’s wearing.”

Then, pivoting to Trump’s false claims that the voice on the Access Hollywood tape might not be his, Colbert added, “When you listen to it again, it can’t be him. Because anybody who said that wouldn’t be elected president of the United States.”