ROUGH YEAR

Stephen Colbert’s Thanksgiving Message: ‘I’m Thankful for Robert Mueller’

The ‘Late Show’ host called President Trump ‘a plump, overcooked turkey’ and doled out some tips on handling your racist relatives.

“Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I’m so excited to reunite with all my loved ones: pumpkin pie, stuffing, sweatpants,” announced Stephen Colbert at the top of The Late Show on Wednesday.

The comedian then gave his two cents on how to deal with your not-so-tolerant relatives this Thanksgiving holiday.

“It’s a time for family. But even in the best of years, political differences can make things tense, and this is not the best of years,” said Colbert. “So, if you’re concerned about conflicts over the dinner table, watch how much you have to drink. I recommend no drinks, or all of the drinks… It’s really that two-and-a-half-drink middle ground where Uncle Fred starts asking, ‘Well, why don’t we have a White History Month?’”

Colbert then segued to the whereabouts of President Trump this Thanksgiving: at his “Winter White House,” Mar-a-Lago, a country club in Palm Beach, Florida, powered by foreign labor.

“To celebrate Thanksgiving, President Trump has returned to Mar-a-Lago—so I know what the White House staff is thankful for this year. Mar-a-Lago members are apparently looking forward to seeing the president at the Thanksgiving buffet line. Just imagine it: a plump, overcooked turkey waiting in line for Thanksgiving dinner,” cracked the late-night host.

He continued: “While Trump is down there, he may have some papers to sign, because we just learned that Donald Trump is shutting down his charitable foundation. So sad. So sad. They had almost reached their goal of helping anyone.”

Yes, the Donald J. Trump Foundation—which just last year admitted to the IRS that it had violated federal rules against “self-dealing” (or using a charity to enrich oneself, one’s businesses, or one’s family)—will be shutting down.

Of course, the New York attorney general is still investigating the Donald J. Trump Foundation, so it cannot be dissolved until that investigation is complete.

Later on in the program, after playing a clip of White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders asking the White House press corps what they’re thankful for this Thanksgiving, Colbert offered up his answer: “I’m thankful for Robert Mueller.”

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