SHOCKING

Susan Boyle Loses to Dance Troupe

Brace yourself, dreamers—Susan Boyle, she of the quaint Scottish village and overgrown eyebrows—came in second place on the Britain’s Got Talent finale Saturday night. Even more shocking: she lost to a ten-person dance troupe called “Diversity.” Despite returning to the song that made her an Internet sensation during her finals performance, Boyle couldn’t eke by with a win. The troupe earned a $159,000 prize and will perform before Queen Elizabeth II at the Royal Variety Show. Upon learning of her fate, Susan curtsied to the crowd and waggled her hips. Oh Susan, you’re not going anywhere.