The Best of the Beast, Aug 3-4

Our favorite stories for your weekend reading list.

Is FedEx America’s No. 1 Drug Dealer?By Abby HaglageThe shipping company heads to court Tuesday to face $1.6 billion in charges of conspiring to traffic illegal meds. A former courier, allegedly told to ‘protect drug dealers,’ isn’t surprised.

Your ‘Craft’ Rye Whiskey Is Probably From a Factory Distillery in IndianaBy Eric FeltonThe artisan whiskey industry has a big secret—many of the ‘small-batch’ distillers are actually buying their product from a large factory in Indiana.

Rand Paul’s Daddy IssuesBy Olivia NuzziThe man that led the Kentucky senator to Washington could prevent him from entering the White House.

Even Left-Wing Politicians Can’t Quit IsraelBy Tim MackDespite grassroots outrage at Operation Protective Edge, left-wing members of the House and Senate won’t criticize Israel’s ongoing incursion into Gaza.

ESPN: The Worldwide Leader in Pricksby Marlow SternIn the wake of NFL star Ray Rice’s measly two-game suspension for assaulting his fiancée, embarrassing ESPN personality Stephen A. Smith went nuts, warning about the dangers of women ‘provoking’ men. But this behavior is nothing new for the network’s commentators.

Inside the Gaza Schoolyard MassacreBy Jesse RosenfeldThere are reasons the U.N. agency charged with caring for Palestinian refugees is the focus of Israeli suspicion, but in Gaza it may also be in Israel’s sights.

I Tried Cosmo’s Lesbian Sex Tips and They Were TerribleBy Samantha AllenCosmopolitan is bringing its hilariously bad sex tips to lesbians now. They’re just as laughable as the straight version, and prove the mag knows little to nothing about real life lesbian sex.

Beware the Designer VaginaBy Lizzie CrockerIf the designer vagina generation is nipping and folding now, what will they do when gravity, childbirth, and decades of vigorous sex take their toll?

Iraq’s Long-Lost Mythical Temple Has Been Found…and Is In Danger of Disappearing AgainBy Nina StrochlicFor centuries, scientists have been searching for an ancient temple dedicated to a winged warrior. Now, one archaeologist thinks he may have found it. Only problem: It’s in the middle of a war zone.

The Pill Is More Than Birth ControlBy Kelli GoffWe need to a better job of explaining that women use birth control for much more than delaying or avoiding motherhood.

James Lee Burke Talks About His Fiction, History, and the American DreamBy David MasciotraAbandoning the badasses in his usual Louisiana haunts, the Edgar-winning author crafts his first historical novel about oil, movies, and the American Dream.