“It’s clear that despite their best efforts, Russia has failed to shift the polls in Donald Trump’s favor,” The Daily Show host Trevor Noah said Tuesday night. “So yesterday, Trump turned to his other Eastern European ally for help.”
Of course, Noah was talking about Melania Trump, who finally sat down for a pair of interviews with CNN and Fox News following a rash of sexual-assault accusations against the Republican nominee. Wondering why it took her 10 days from the release of the 2005 tape in which Trump boasts of grabbing women “by the pussy,” the host said, “from the looks of it, she was using that time to practice her lines.”
Viewed side-by-side, Melania Trump’s interviews on Fox News and CNN sounded remarkably similar. She may not have been plagiarizing Michelle Obama this time, but on the “bright side,” Noah said, “At least she’s only plagiarizing herself now.” On top of that, she seemed to blame Billy Bush for “egging on” her husband.
“So, wait, you’re telling me the guy who says he’s going to tax China, wall Mexico, and knock the hell out of ISIS, that guy can’t handle himself in a conversation with Billy Bush?” Noah asked. “He got egged on? Yeah, apparently Donald Trump gives in to peer pressure a lot quicker than we realize.” With that, he suggested Trump jump into a volcano, saying, “You’re only supposed to only do it if you have a mega-big penis and have sex with a lot of supermodels.”
On Melania Trump’s attempt to equate her then-59-year-old husband with a “teenage boy,” Noah said, “I guess I understand that, because if you convert, then 59 is technically only 16 in douche years.” But this left Noah with one question: “If he does act like a teenage boy, why would we let him be president?”
Finally, Melania Trump told Anderson Cooper that fighting cyberbullying would be one of her top priorities should she make it to the White House. “That’s a smart move by Melania Trump, pledging to fight online bullying,” the host said. “Because you realize she can probably cut it in half just by taking her husband’s phone away.”
“Has she seen Donald Trump’s tweets?” Noah asked. “Melania fighting cyberbullies would be like if Ted Cruz’s wife started a campaign to end creepy smiles.”