While we doubt this item ever really caught on, the bikini jean wins the award for the most curious, what-were-they-thinking design the world has seen in quite some time. How about cutting the bikini part off, bedazzling it and just wearing it as a necklace or a belt?
Sanna.jp
When a much maligned trend inspires someone to write a manifesto against it, that should be a clue to either put on some pants or stop pretending that tunic you purchased in 2005 is a dress.
Dziekan/Retna
Classic Ray Bans aside, the glasses of 2008 were those worn by 19-year-old hipsters—and Lourdes Leon. They are too young to realize that the only reason we all wore Sally Jesse Raphael-style glasses in the eighties was because we were too poor to afford anything else. To recycle these chunky frames, throw a theme party where people come dressed as their favorite four-eyed yearbook photo.
We get it. Dressing like a pregnant woman or little girl is really cute. Calls to mind fertility and vitality, respectively. Or does it? In theory, tent dresses may be good for hiding bulges, but in reality: Dress in a sack, look like a sack.
Karl Prouse, Catwalking/Getty Images
People who love these shoes swear by their "comfort," but that still does not excuse their monstrous ability to deform the foot into the shape of a melted rubber mallet. So, put them in your tool box and whack them against the particle boards when you need to assemble your IKEA furniture. The fleece will provide excellent protection for your hands.
Cate Gillon/Getty Images
These glasses worked when Kanye West wore them onstage for a futuristic glow-in-the-dark tour. But he's Kanye West and you're not. So don't wear them on the street, or on the boardwalk, or even in a nightclub. You can only wear them next year for the Youtube video you plan to star in memorializing Kanye’s 2008 tour.
Edmond Terakopian/NBCU Photo Bank
Each season a new legging trend emerges; this year, rubber versions filled in as the more adult leggings. It used to be that you had to go to a sex shop and brush latex onto your body, but now you can buy a $110 pair from such wholesome department stores at Nordstrom. This of course means that they’ve lost their edge and must be retired. Next year, let’s hope they invent Tyvek leggings.
Retna
Along with tent dresses, boxy tops have been on the streets long enough; women of all shapes and sizes can agree that it’s time to bring back the waist. Unless you have the hips of a teenager and an ironing board chest, the box top does not qualify as a geometric shape—it’s shapeless. Use them to wrap presents instead.
Wendell Teodoro/WireImage
While not exactly a muumuu, these off-the-shoulder numbers possess the pretense of glamour, and yet, nearly every person who wears them instantly looks about 30 years older and as though they’re about to climb aboard The Love Boat. Another fantastic opportunity for a theme party costume—and nothing else.
Kristian Dowling/Getty Images
No need to ban the twee/ Gossip Girl versions of headbands that sit on one’s head like Audrey Hepburn’s tiara in Breakfast at Tiffany’s—the offending headbands of 2008 were the athletic-style ones like the sweatband Ashley Olsen wore in April--these belong in a Jane Fonda workout video.
Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images
It’s hard to believe that at this late date— years after the Ugg boots heyday on Pamela Anderson’s feet on the sandy set of Baywatch—we still need to call for a ban on the Australian booties. (Seriously, even Pamela Anderson gave them up). Kids, listen up. You may win style points in the halls of your Orange County high school if you wear them, and we know you’re looking to all those big city LA girls wearing them en route to a pedicure as your role models, but don’t. As with fleece-lined Crocs, comfort is not an excuse (though in 70 degree weather, how could they be?). Salvage the parts and turn them into a vest or a dog bed.
BAC Pictures, Bleu Azur Corp./Retna
