AGATHA CLICKSIE IS ON IT, GUYS
With Jeffrey Epstein Dead, Conspiracist-In-Chief Can’t Quit the Killer Clinton FanFic
The president is adding to the real fear that the facts of Epstein’s death may be lost in the raging hellscape that is Twitter even before they are found.
Photo Illustration by Elizabeth Brockway/The Daily Beast
Jeffrey Epstein is dead, and the world has ideas about how and why.
What makes more sense? An evil man facing a lifetime behind bars taking the coward’s way out, or something darker?
World-class political assassin Hillary Clinton could have performed a flawless HALO parachute jump onto the roof of the Manhattan Correctional Center, rappelled down the elevator shaft, infiltrated Epstein’s cell, killed him, and made a perfect getaway with her helmet of blonde hair perfectly in place and not a single stain on her tactical pantsuit. Jared Kushner could have crawled through a 10” sewer pipe in his tactical coverall/gimp suit, slithered through the HVAC ductwork and popped into Epstein’s cell to strangle him. It’s not entirely implausible in the mush-minds of online Clouseaus.