Jay Z and Beyonce Release Epic, Violent New Short Film For 'On the Run' Tour

Because their names aren’t in the press enough, two people you haven’t heard about in a long while, Jay Z and Beyoncé, have released what appears to be a promotional video for their upcoming On the Run stadium tour. No, not that video.

Unlike the surveillance video seen ’round the world, this clip is a bit higher quality. The nonsensical (sorry, but it is—don’t come after me, the Beygency!) video directed by Melina Matsoukas is a bit of a trailer for the tour, a Bonnie and Clyde-like four-minute blockbuster of sorts featuring guns, strippers, car chases, explosions, love scenes, and a glut of weird ass celebrity cameos. (Hi, Don Cheadle, Sean Penn, Jake Gyllenhaal, and…Blake Lively and Emmy Rossum? Plus, in the role of Solange, errrr, a menacing and unhinged bad guy out to physically hurt Jay and Bey, there’s Scandal’s Guillermo Diaz).

So, if this is a promotional trailer for the couple’s upcoming stadium tour, what does it hint we have in store for us? If you were just hoping to dance along to “Single Ladies” and pretend to know all the words “99 Problems,” you better stay home. This tour, gauging by this video, looks to be a more…intense experience than that. Here’s what we apparently have to look forward to:

-Sean Penn and Jay Z pretending to be Tony Soprano at a strip club.-Jay and Bey riding around on a motorcycle while she wears a veil.-Don Cheadle playing poker.-Beyoncé giving Jay a lap dance.-Blake Lively and Beyonce having girl talk.-Emmy Rossum shooting a gun at Beyoncé while she runs down the street in a bra, panties, and a fur coat.-Beyoncé sewing up Jay’s gunshot wound.-A factory exploding.-Beyoncé wielding a machine gun.-Beyoncé and Jay Z robbing a bank while wearing ski masks.-Beyoncé and Jay Z looking nervous while riding an elevator. (Is Solange nearby?)-Beyoncé floating in a swimming pool full of $100 bills.

This concert tour looks like it’s going to be scary, guys.

Seriously, though, is anyone else even a little bit put off by the level of violence in this clip, gorgeously shot as it is? (The production value is impeccable for a promotional video, not that Bey and Jey even needed one, as every time tickets are released for their tour Ticketmaster basically shuts down.) And it’s hard not to find humor or read into the elevator scene here, given the news of the past week.