This week:
- How are we feeling about the new season of The Traitors?
- I know how I’m feeling about this new Housewives season.
- Why is Cameron Diaz all over my timeline?
- Jonathan Bailey, my God.
- Dolly Parton, we see you.
A Catch-Up on the New Season of The Traitors
Of all the ways to go, I think the one I’d choose is to be murdered by Lisa Rinna.
That’s the fantasy, at least, that was sparked by the most recent season of The Traitors, in which a smorgasbord of celebrities—the series employing the broadest use of that term—gather in a Scottish castle to suss out which Real Housewife, Big Brother contestant, or unfathomably hot alum of something called Love Island USA was methodically “murdering” them.
That season was The Traitors at the height of its popularity, packing its conceit—cast random celebrities, have them figure out who is a “Faithful” and who is a “Traitor,” and serve them a buffet with only limited smoked salmon to fight over—into a firecracker and watching it take off into the zeitgeist.
On the back of that blockbuster season, we now have The Traitors: New Blood, the first American version of the series to feature a cast comprised of normies. Traitors obsessives who watch all the international seasons won’t let you get out “hello” before hurriedly shouting, “All the other countries do this, and they’re the best seasons!!!” Like, give a girl a moment.
That might be true in those international versions where U.S. audiences aren’t too familiar with the celebrities anyway. But would the civilian twist work here in Amurrica, where we treat our reality stars like royalty, and therefore watching them gossip in a castle feels, well, just plain right?
Now that four episodes of The Traitors: New Blood have aired…I’m not sure.
(I excitedly woke up early this morning to press play on the new episodes, only to discover I missed the memo that the show is on hiatus this week because of some sports thing. Rude! So now I’m writing this piece instead.)
Most of the show is, of course, the same.
Host Alan Cumming is still there, reciting game rules like they’re Shakespearean soliloquies and dressing as if he took a molly and then ran through a tartan factory twirling and screaming (complimentary). And the fun for viewers is, as always, watching the Faithfuls be so bad at hunting Traitors and Traitors be even worse at concealing their identities. Voyeuristic stupidity: our greatest form of entertainment!
The intrigue here is that, unlike with celebrity contestants, viewers don’t have preconceived notions about or allegiance to the New Blood cast. They’re plebeians just like us, mere peasants, and therefore strangers. Every beat of the show should carry an element of surprise because we can’t be sure how each person will behave, and neither will the fellow Faithfuls and Traitors, because they have no idea who each other is, either.
There’s a lot to be said for that.
I watch celebrity versions of The Traitors with a seething rage each time the castle votes out one of my cherished Real Housewives, and if someone enters the Highlands who I already despise because of their public persona (cough, Michael Rappaport, cough), I scream into a pillow every time they make it through another banishing round.
On New Blood, I don’t know these people, and therefore didn’t come into the show with that existing passion. As more episodes have aired, however, I’ve realized that might be my problem so far: I have no passion for the contestants. In fact, I kind of don’t care about them.
I am sure that as the season progresses, I will develop favorites who I’d die for, mortal enemies whose mere presence on my TV screen will make me feel like I’m having an anaphylactic reaction, and, most importantly, develop my crushes. (OK, that’s already happening on New Blood. Victor, I love you.) Of course, that’s the experience reality competition fans have watching any TV show, from Survivor to Top Chef to Project Runway.
But here, there’s the comparison to those transfixing, can’t-miss celebrity seasons to contend with. So far, New Blood’s not popping in that way.
I’m still intrigued. I’m just a little lost. There are so many contestants that I still know nothing about, so when their names are put up for banishment or murder, I don’t so much shrug as say, “Who?” Every week at the roundtable, Alan asks for someone’s vote, and I swear that’s the first time I’ve ever seen them in my life; that’s how little screen time they’ve gotten.
Maybe I’m being finicky, but the whole “real people,” “civilian” conceit seems slightly hollow as I watch the show. The cast are all introduced as lawyers, business executives, and barrel racers, whatever that is. But then you look them up and find out most of them are also influencers, host popular podcasts, and have more Instagram followers than many reality stars. One contestant looked so familiar, and I couldn’t figure out why, before realizing I recognized her because I’ve seen her Traitors recaps from past seasons on TikTok and Instagram Reels.
Is the issue that, in this normie season, the people aren’t normal enough?
I haven’t put my finger on it yet, but I’m excited to keep watching. It’s The Traitors. It’s still excellent television. I just think unless we’re going to really send regular people to the Highlands, you gotta throw at least one Housewife in there. The solution to everything.
This Once-Maligned TV Show Is So Back
I recently participated in the readers’ poll The New York Times conducted for The 100 Best TV Shows of the 21st Century, and me being me, wanted to put a reality show on my personal Top 10 ballot.
The natural choice, as any Bravo fan knows, would have been The Real Housewives of New York City, which was the standard-bearer of the genre for so long. But the string of borderline unwatchable seasons that led to a reboot and then a reboot of the reboot made me ethically incapable of including it.
But there’s hope yet: This reboot of the reboot is, so far, excellent. I watched this week’s episode and immediately—and giddily—texted all my Bravo-fan friends how good it is.
Opens in new windowReal Housewives skeptics, let me tell you: This episode featured a fight about one cast member’s tabloid-covered affair with Jon Gosselin, of Jon & Kate Plus 8 fame; one Housewife asking Carole Radziwill, the cousin-in-law of John F. Kennedy Jr., not to spoil the end of Love Story for her; a classic Real Housewives inappropriately loud argument at a charity event; and, the pièce de résistance, Martha Stewart calling a strange child on the street over like a dog, and then inexplicably giving him a glass of water from her restaurant table, before misgendering and then misnaming him.
This is reality television at its greatest, folks.
Cameron Diaz Should Always Be Going Viral
GIFs of Cameron Diaz from the little-seen movie The Counselor were all over my timeline this week. At one point, it took me a full 30 seconds of scrolling to see anything other than one of the memes. And here’s the thing: No one knows why.
What started this trend? I looked into it. Well, I spent a solid five minutes doing deep investigative reporting and came to the conclusion: “I dunno.”
Not that I’m complaining. The GIFs and memes are hilarious, especially once you know the lore of the movie: It’s a Ridley Scott film that was supposed to get Diaz her first Oscar nomination. In it, her character has sex with a car. Then it came out that she filmed her entire performance in a Barbadian Bajan accent, but when execs screened the film, they were horrified to have just watched Cameron Diaz do a movie-long Rihanna impression, and had her dub over all her dialogue.
In any case, here’s a small taste of what must be millions of memes at this point.
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Opens in new windowHe Didn’t Have to Do All That
A clip of Ella Purnell (Yellowjackets) and Jonathan Bailey (my husband) recording the Audible audiobook for Bram Stoker’s Dracula was released, and it is, how do I put this…porn. Not really. But it is incredibly and unnecessarily sexy. Why are they doing all this to record an audiobook? I don’t know, but I am glad they did. Watch below, but maybe not at work:
Opens in new windowGood for Dolly Parton
At the opening of the new Dolly Parton museum in Nashville, people noticed rare photos of young Parton with her husband Carl Dean, who was rarely seen in public over their decades-long marriage. An amusing reaction was that, after seeing how handsome Dean looks, people totally understood why Parton kept him “locked away.”
Opens in new windowMore From The Daily Beast’s Obsessed
I had a long, emotional talk with Real Housewives of Salt Lake City icon Angie K. Read more.
I interviewed Anna Camp, who’s starred in just all of your favorite things: Pitch Perfect, True Blood, Mad Men, Scream7, You, and more. Watch here.
I can’t remember the last time I was as excited for a film as I am for this one. Read more.
What to Watch This Week
Tip Toe: Alan Cumming reminding us he’s a generationally great actor, not just a good TV host. (Now on Starz)
East of Eden: It’s got all the It Hotties of the moment, plus it’s great. (Now on Netflix)
Carrie: We thought remaking this was a horrendous idea…and we were wrong. (Wed. on Prime Video)
What to Skip This Week
Digger: Wild that this was supposed to be an Oscar bid for Tom Cruise. (Now in theaters)
Verity: Listen, Anne, when you make 75 movies in a year, they can’t all be good. (Now in theaters)
