On Wednesday night, Trevor Noah took a break from schooling Kanye West on the voting habits of black women to address another pop-culture elephant in the room: Sean Spicer.
Yes, the former White House press secretary, a paid shill who repeatedly lied and obfuscated on behalf of the most truth-averse president in American history, is somehow still competing in the ABC reality series Dancing with the Stars—this despite having dance-floor moves more embarrassing than Julian Assange.
“Not only was he bad about lying to the press, it turns out his hips also can’t lie for shit,” joked Noah. “In fact, I’m not even sure that he has hips. I wouldn’t be surprised if, underneath that stupid outfit, he just has the body of a Lego.”
The Daily Show host then revealed exactly how Spicer has remained on the show. “He’s been getting the lowest scores and should’ve been gone a long time ago, but Dancing with the Stars factors in both scores and the viewer votes at home. So, once it became clear that he wasn’t going to win over the judges, Sean Spicer…started going on the far-right website Breitbart to turn this dance competition into a full-on civil war,” the comic explained.
Yes, Spicer went on Breitbart, which former honcho Steve Bannon once admitted was “the platform for the alt-right,” and turned his fame-thirsty Hollywood play into, well, its own miniature culture war. “There’s a lot of folks on the left that don’t believe that people on the right have a place in—in what they consider their society,” Spicer told Breitbart.
“OK, I haven’t said this in a while, but Sean Spicer, what the fuck are you talking about?” exclaimed Noah. “First of all, people on the left don’t care if a conservative wins Dancing with the Stars. Trust me, when it comes to the ‘liberal agenda,’ dancing does not make the list. You won’t see Bernie Sanders onstage like, college should be free, health care should be a human right, and the cha-cha-cha goes dun-dun-dun!”
He’s not only turned this into a “culture war,” Noah added, “but he’s also basically resorted to election fraud.”
Noah then threw to a bizarre video Spicer posted urging viewers to text “SEAN” to a number up to 10 times to vote for him, and then to vote for him another 10 times at ABC.com—for a total of 20 votes per person.
On top of that, Spicer’s Dancing with the Stars run has received ’round-the-clock coverage on Trump mouthpiece Fox News, including too many Spicer TV hits to count. Oh, and President Trump even shouted out his former errand boy, tweeting, “Vote for good guy @SeanSpicer tonight on Dancing With The Stars. He has always been there for us!”
“That’s right, even the president of the United States is stepping in to keep Spicer from getting voted off the dance floor,” offered a perplexed Noah. “I know Sean Spicer isn’t technically breaking any rules… but he is ruining Dancing with the Stars for a lot of its fans, who genuinely love to watch good dancing, because this isn’t supposed to be about politics, it’s about talent, and a guy who dances with the elegance of a dial-up modem logging in to AOL doesn’t deserve to win.”
Noah, who competed on South Africa’s version of Dancing with the Stars, then proceeded to rip off his shirt, revealing a snug cheetah-print leotard, and challenge Spicer to a dance-off.