Donald Trump wants to crush The Swamp. The leaks, the sneaks, and the secrets are all there. Our writers, David Gardner, Farrah Tomazin, Sarah Ewall-Wice, and Laura Esposito, are sifting through the ooze so you don’t have to. Don’t miss out.
In this week’s news from the ooze: Melania Trump, Lee Eisenberg, Rupert Murdoch, Amanda Ungaro, Erika Kirk, Donald Trump Jr., Elizabeth Warren, Alex Jones, Pastor Brooks Potteiger, Nicki Minaj, Katherine Graham, Sam Altman, Plasma, Elon Musk, Marti Gould Cummings, Pam Bondi, Jeffrey Epstein, and the Naked Burglar.
The Other Devastating Verdict on Scandal-Tarred Swalwell
Scandal-hit Eric Swalwell is fast running out of roles. He’s out of the governor’s race in California, he has resigned from Congress—and now The Swamp has discovered what they really think about him in Hollywood.
And it’s not because of his donors’ disgust. It is in fact because—bizarrely—Swalwell recently dabbled in a high-profile showbusiness career.
In a bizarre twist, the 45-year-old was part of America’s hottest television show, Jury Duty 2, playing… himself.
To be fair, Swalwell, 45, wasn’t chosen for the hit prank series to be funny. He gave a lecture during a fake company retreat to make it more “realistic” and to fool the unwitting main character into believing the whole thing was real.
But, sadly for Swalwell, the producers left the “bit” on the cutting room floor.
The timing of the decision to leave out the disgraced father-of-three may seem suspicious, given his sudden notoriety, but sources close to the show insisted his segment was never going to make it on screen. “No,” the insider told The Swamp. “We do lots of boring seminars between the funny ones to help create reality that are never meant to be in the cut. His was one of them and was never intended to be in the show.”
Co-creator Lee Eisenberg also joked with Obsessed podcast’s Matt Wilstein: “That’s how deep our bench was.”
Not sure anybody told Swalwell he was wasting his time. Maybe he thought it was good practice in case he made it to the California governor’s mansion. When he shot the lecture, he was frontrunner to replace Gavin Newsom, but that was before his political career imploded in a mess of sexual allegations. Swalwell has adamantly denied any criminal wrongdoing and apologized for his mistakes. The jury is out on his alleged sexual impropriety. But the verdict seemed pretty unanimous on his future as a TV star.
The Melania Ticking Timebomb
The Swamp hears that one of Melania Trump’s old friends, who may have some insight into why the first lady decided to make her very public statement distancing herself from Jeffrey Epstein, is fielding interview offers from networks and various publications.
Amanda Ungaro and her former partner Paolo Zampolli used to hang out with Donald and Melania at Mar-a-Lago during the president’s first term. (They met when Amanda was 17 and Paolo was… err a lot older.) The Brazilian ex-model is apparently feeling less kindly toward the first couple since being deported by ICE for overstaying her visa.
Now living back in Brazil, Ungaro, 41, is involved in a custody battle with Zampolli—Trump’s special envoy for global partnerships—over their teenage son. She says she flew on Epstein’s “Lolita Express” plane when she was 17, and her supporters are urging her to say more about her relationship with Melania. They also want her to discuss her memories of Epstein. Cable networks and other “high-profile publications” are said to be flooding Ungaro with interview requests. Is Ungaro the reason Melania decided to speak out at the White House against the “lies” she claimed were being spread about her and Epstein? “I will tear down your corrupt system, even if it’s the last thing I do in my life,” Ungaro posted. “I will go all the way — I am not afraid,” Ungaro posted. “Maybe you should be afraid of what I know … of who you are, and who your husband is.”
Well This Is a Turning Point
While Erika Kirk is touring the country with Turning Point USA, “Erika Qwerk” is headlining the hottest drag show in New York on Thursday: Turning Point U.S. Gay. Drag queen Lauren Banall, who found viral fame mocking Kirk, is bringing her right-wing parody to Williamsburg, Brooklyn’s most hipster neighborhood on Thursday night.
The show also features RuPaul’s Drag Race star Plasma as Pam Bondi and reality star Marti Gould Cummings as Kristi Noem—whose husband, Bryon Noem, knows a thing or two about the art of drag. Melania Trump will be portrayed by Kiki Ball-Change, and drag influencer Bertha Vanayshun will star as Kirk’s nemesis, Candace Owens. Even MAGA’s favorite pop star, Nicki Minaj, will be portrayed by Brita Filter.
The reviews are already in, much to the producers’ glee. “What a nasty bastardization of the work of Charlie Kirk,” Stefano Forte, president of the New York Young Republican Club, told the Swamp. “Further proof that leftist freaks can’t build; they can only desecrate what is already created.” “Drag queen named ‘Erika Qwerk’ is now mocking Erika Kirk grieving after her husband was ass*ssinated. Absolutely disgusting,” right-wing X account Libs of TikTok wrote, while Alex Jones’ InfoWars called it “disgusting” and proof the left has “no morals or decency.” Another 20-something GOP staffer on Capitol Hill had a more candid reaction: “What the f–k?” Nevertheless, more than a thousand attendees are expected at the spectacle, which has tickets on sale for roughly $30 each, and doubles as a fundraiser for the American Civil Liberties Union.
Kirk, 37, has already been—supposedly—mortified by comedian Druski’s viral white-face drag act. Luckily for her, she’s unlikely to stumble upon Thursday’s event, held in an epicenter for progressives and DJs. To be fair, not everyone on the right is as outraged. “Is it in the best taste given Charlie’s recent death? Probably not,” Raquel Denobo, New York socialite and host of “Make America Hot Again” parties, told The Swamp. But, she added: “Satire is protected by the 1st Amendment for a reason—that’s how we hold up a mirror to politics and culture.” Turning Point U.S. Gay sold out so quickly during presale that organizers moved the show to an outdoor venue to accommodate more than 1,000 attendees, in addition to a livestream audience. And while Kirk may be the star of Thursday’s show, Noem need not worry. Her own husband’s crossdressing scandal has already inspired a “Bimbofication Kink Night” in Washington, D.C. The Swamp just hopes the helium shortage resulting from the war in Iran doesn’t deflate the fun.
Would You Like Fries With Your Hubris, President Trump?
It’s one thing that Donald Trump and his MAGA minions—apparently including Secretary of War Defense Pete Hegseth—will be facing an enormous room filled with what he likes to call the “fake media” at the White House Correspondents Association dinner on April 25, but now he may have to reward one of his biggest targets for doing a great job. This year’s Katherine Graham Award for Courage and Accountability is going to the Wall Street Journal, the Rupert Murdoch-owned newspaper that Trump sued for $10 billion over a lewd drawing that was included in a birthday card sent to Jeffrey Epstein by his friends. Trump has made no indication he will boycott the event over the $5,000 award, but we’re guessing he won’t be presenting it to the Journal journos. The president’s lawsuit was tossed out by an (Obama-appointed) judge on Monday, so maybe he’ll just pretend the whole thing never happened. We’ve heard that Murdoch has dined at the White House in recent weeks, and Trump sent a video message to the media tycoon’s 95th birthday celebrations, so no hard feelings there, then. And at least the president doesn’t have to deal with an even more awkward situation—if the prize went to The Swamp!
Pentagon Pete’s House of Warship
Military contractors are getting an unusual calendar invite these days: worship at the Pentagon, courtesy of Pete “I hate fat generals” Hegseth. The next monthly gathering takes place this Wednesday, and even though they’re “voluntary”, attendees say it doesn’t quite feel that way in a building where access, relationships, and multi-million-dollar defense contracts are currency. The services themselves are a far cry from the Pentagon’s traditionally careful, interfaith approach. Instead, they’ve taken on a sectarian, evangelical tone, headlined by a rotating cast of hardline conservative Christian figures. Among those invited so far: Pastor Doug Wilson (who thinks women shouldn’t get a vote); Pastor Brooks Potteiger (who recently prayed for Texas Democrat James Talarico’s death), and Edward Graham (the son of evangelical Franklin Graham). (The Pope’s invitation appears lost in the mail.) At the center of it all is Hegseth himself, often quoting from his personal Bible—an English Standard Version etched with a Crusader cross on the front and “Deus Vult” - “God Wills It” on the back. The same symbols, not coincidentally, are inked on his body: the cross across his chest, the phrase on his bicep.
Supporters call it “moral clarity,” but critics say the imagery, combined with the guest list and rhetoric, pushes well beyond personal faith into something more ideological: a blending of Christian nationalism with the machinery of U.S. defense. “These services do not even represent the broad diversity of Christianity,” Baptist Minister Brian Kaylor tells The Swamp. “All of the preachers at the 11 services so far have been right-wing, patriarchal conservative evangelicals. So there’s no Orthodox, Catholic, mainline Protestant, let alone Hindus or Jews. It’s Pete Hegseth establishing his version of Christianity.” It’s a marked shift for a Pentagon that once felt like neutral ground. Now, according to some insiders, it feels more like a revival meeting where attendance is noticed and noted down. Crusades, anyone?
SPOTTED: Just one question about Bettina Anderson’s weekend wedding shower at Mar-a-Lago. What was Don Jr. doing there? And why was his step-mom Melania not?
Bannon’s Bots
Nothing says “MAGA grassroots movement” like a swarm of bots showing up on cue. Research obtained by The Swamp has uncovered what looks less like organic support and more like a digital hype machine designed to make Steve Bannon look unavoidable on X. Two linked networks of inauthentic accounts appear to be working in tandem, flooding the platform with rapid-fire engagement to manufacture the illusion that Bannon’s incendiary “War Room” clips are catching fire naturally. The tactic is blunt but effective: within minutes of a post going live, dozens of anonymous accounts jump in with replies, reposts, and quote tweets—spiking engagement before real users can even say “spill the tea.” The same accounts show up again and again, particularly on content targeting the tech world. What’s more, the villains are always the same: Elon Musk is painted as politically suspect, Sam Altman as a digital demon, and Mark Zuckerberg as a surveillance-obsessed oligarch. The research suggests it’s too consistent to be a coincidence: this is high-volume amplification, not conversation. One network boosts Bannon directly; the other aligns with the fringe “New Federal State of China.” The result is a closed loop where fake engagement fuels real visibility—and Bannon’s influence (unlike his mid-section) looks a lot bigger than it actually is.
Dear Leader’s Crypto Grift
A cryptocurrency event is set to be held at Mar-a-Lago later this month, offering top investors in his $TRUMP meme coin exclusive access to Dear Leader. The April 25 gathering will include a gala luncheon attended by the top 297 holders of the $TRUMP token, with the top 29 receiving invitations to a private VIP reception and champagne toast alongside the president. (Why 29? We have no idea but maybe someone likes prime numbers.)
The event mirrors a similar promotion last year, where major investors were granted private access to Trump in exchange for holding large quantities of the cryptocurrency. However, Democrats aren’t amused, with Senators Elizabeth Warren, Adam Schiff, and Richard Blumenthal demanding documents to see if Trump is personally profiting. Two big questions: will Trump show up to the lunch at all, given he’s due at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner in Washington a few hours later? And more importantly, is anyone going to raise how $TRUMP has collapsed in value from more than $44 when it launched to its current $2.87?
Bare Cheek Bot Burglar
With all the polarization in Washington, it was good to hear of a community coming together in the suburbs to celebrate something they could all be happy about—the arrest of the fabled naked burglar. Dressed only in a mask and a pair of sneakers, the man broke into a bunch of homes in Centreville, Virginia, over the past week. The cops tracked him down by using a drone to follow him running naked (kind of a give-away) through the neighborhood and found where he lived. When he was marched out in handcuffs—and clothes—Fairfax County Police Maj. Jim Curry said the neighbors “literally lined up the side of the road, cheering and clapping. I’ve never seen anything like it, where there were audible cheers and shouting for him being taken into custody.” What other arrest would get such cheers? We have some thoughts…
