It’s the one landmark Donald Trump did not want his name on.
The president turned 80 on Sunday, and he has made it very clear that he wasn’t celebrating.
He was born on June 14, 1945, nearly three months before the official end of World War Two.
Since then, he has seen many changes in the world, many of them for the better.
For most of his life, Trump’s only offense to most of us (who didn’t know him) was to our sense of civility. But since his ascension to the White House, the one-time reality star has had a profound effect on all of our lives.
And, sadly, he’s destroyed so much about the best of America; many things will never be the same.
Here are 80 of those things. One per candle.
Phew!
1) Cheetos
It was the neon orange color of the cheesy puffs that made it an online trend. It’s a great color ... except on the president’s face. Hail the Cheeto-in-Chief.
2) Diet Coke
Talk about a bad taste in your mouth.
3) Game 3 of the NBA Finals
He went. He watched. They Lost. Just don’t come back (now, as for Taylor Swift, that’s another question...)
4) Red caps
Sorry, the Cincinnati Reds, Boston Red Sox, St. Louis Cardinals, and Philadelphia Phillies. Trump has ruined your caps. At least from the side view.
5 USAID
America’s best export is now no more.
6) Voice of America
Ruined.
7) National Endowment for the Arts
Ruined.
8) The Kennedy Center
Ruined.
9) World Peace
Ruined.
10) Palm Beach
Ruined.
11) Strait of Hormuz
Closed.
12) Village People
It used to be a cheap place for young people to hang out and a gimmicky gay disco song. Now it’s ... ruined.
13) UFC
It will go kicking and screaming. But it’s still ruined.
14) Washington, D.C.
Soldiers on the streets, insurgents rampaging through the Capitol, tourists in red caps, monuments being messed with, diners talking incessantly about Trump.
15) Pressure socks
If the president can’t be proud of his swollen ankles, who can?
16) Marriage
He’s on his third, and, frankly, it doesn’t look that happy.
17) Marco Rubio
You might not have liked everything Little Marco said, but he appeared to have his own mind and make some sense. Then he sold his soul...
18) Department of Education
Ruined.
19) Department of Justice
Todd Blanche? Really? Ruined.
20) Department of Health and Human Services
RFK Jr.??? Ruined.
21) Sleep
The man never sleeps and fires off social media posts throughout the night so none of us can rest. Guilty consciences can do that...
22) Social Media
He came up with Truth Social and forced us all to use it.
23) Green Card Marriages
Making it harder for couples in love to live in the same country and for Hollywood scriptwriters (The Proposal/Green Card)
24) Spray Tans
Obviously ruined. Even though he misses around the eyes and ears.
25) Solar Eclipses
Trump looked up at one and almost ruined his eyes. Now we can’t unsee.
26) Elections
He says they’re rigged every time he loses. Strangely, they are fine when he wins. Ruined.
27) Paris Climate Accord
He doesn’t believe in climate change. Or accord.
28) NATO
Kind of ruined.
29) Allies
They are all realizing it’s a one-way street with Trump.
30) Women
Okay, not all women. Not yet. But just wait for his Executive Order mandating there is just one gender.
31) Supreme Court
He stacked it with right-wingers and still whines when they try and give some semblance of following the rule of law.
32) Optimism
What’s that?
33) The English Language
He ruled that it is America’s language ... but he can’t speak it.
34) Diplomacy
For this, he would need diplomats rather than his old golfing partner and his son-in-law.
35) ICE
Nobody particularly loved this crew unless it was followed by the word “cream,” but they were just doing their jobs to keep the country safe. Now they are Trump’s masked not-so-secret police. And they kill people.
36) NGOs
Ruined. (See USAID.)
37) Race Relations
So white South Africans are the minority we should sympathize with and allow in?
38) FBI
Two words. Kash Patel.
39) French Fries
If you saw Trump eating his fries at Madison Square Garden, you may never eat them again.
40) Congress
Toothless and ruined.
41) Brioni Suits
Trump wears their suits. Enough said.
42) Gas Powered Cars
Ruined by high gas prices
43) The National Debt
Just how big can it get before we are all ruined?
44) Pennies
Gone.
45) The Military
Pete Hegseth? Really?
46) Signatures
He loves his signature. What was so bad about the autopen?
47) Genders
Do we really need to put a number on them?
48) Electric Vehicles
He’d rather we spent a fortune on gas.
49) IRS
Now we can all just sue when we get an audit, and the IRS will pay into a slush fund so we can give money to our friends.
50) BITCOIN
Why don’t we just cut out the middlemen and send all the money we got buying BITCOIN to the Trump family?
51) Washington Landmarks
The Arc De Trumpe, anybody?
52) Reflecting Pools
Ruined.
53) January 6
I mean, who is going to choose this date for their wedding? Or anything, really. It’s like getting married on 9/11.
54)The White House
By the time he’s finished with it, we might as well change the name to Mar-a-Lago. It will be that tacky.
55) Diversity
Forget about all the advances we made in the last 30 years or so. We are back to the 80s.
56) The Republican Party
Ruined.
57) The Democratic Party
Ruined.
58) World Cup
TBD, but he’s trying his best.
59) American Flag
It’s Trump’s flag now.
60) CBS
Walter Cronkite is turning in his grave.
61) McDonald’s
Trump’s favorite food. Junk food. Trump food.
62) Kid Rock
Okay, so he wasn’t that great to begin with. But now he’s worse.
63) Tesla
He was ruining it so fast that Elon Musk had to leave town.
64) Teetotalism
He is enough to drive anyone to drink.
65) Construction
Trump loves everything about it. Especially the bit where he knocks stuff down.
66) Tylenol
He takes three or more a day to look that bad. And he still hasn’t got a heart.
67) Golf
A good sport spoiled.
68) Hair Dye
At least we don’t know the brand. L’Orful? Good Dye Young?
69) Red Ties
They match the cap.
70) Filet-O-Fish
I have a sneaking feeling he also prefers canned tuna.
71) Free Speech
Ruined.
72) Retirement
A great idea when we could afford it...
73) Tech
Bad apple. Up the Amazon. They’re all Trumpy now.
74) Niki Minaj
She may complain she gets a bad rap, but she brought it upon herself.
75) Rose Garden
Now it’s a patio.
76) James S. Brady Press Briefing Room
Let’s just call it what it is: the QAnon Mind F--- Center.
77) Cabinet Meetings
They used to discuss policy and politics. Now they just flatter King Trump.
78) Mulligans
You can’t get them on every hole.
79) KFC
Just the thought of Trump licking his fingers...
80) Middle East
He bragged for a minute about bringing peace to Gaza, and then he set the entire Middle East ablaze.
